Friday June 14, 2024
The meeting with Pain Pig has help me realize that there is more to THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF than discovering and building my persona and image as the moniker. It goes further than the play and experiences that shapes the presence of Daddy Scruff. This experience has literally challenged and helped me grow in my communication as well as allowing me to go deeper in the understanding of the "why" in certain circumstances. It helped me develop positive ways to deal with subs expressing doubts about play, my abilities to connect and doubts within themselves.
1:38 pm
Just before getting in the car to drive to San Francisco, I sent a text, "I am getting out much later than I expected. The traffic is a nightmare. My goal is still to make it by 5 PM. I will say 5:30 just to play it safe."
"I was going to come straight from work, I am off at 4 PM and I am going to go home," he replied.
This threw me off because I specifically recalled him mentioning that he would rather come straight over from work.
5:16pm
"I made it. I am in room 705. You can clean your butthole nice and clean, but don’t wash anything else. If you have, it is not a big issue. Just make sure nothing else is washed except for your butt hole and brush your teeth." I texted.
He sent me a thumbs up to confirm.
Because I was unsure about his decision to come straight to the hotel from work; I decided to call.
There was a pause. Then there was a deep sigh.
"Sir," he said with another sigh.
There was yet another pause.
"I don't think I'm coming over."
This account may not be verbatim. I was so shocked I just tried to collect as much of what was going on as possible.
What's going on?
There was another long pause.
He said, "I knew I was going to feel this way if I went home first."
I figured maybe he was tired and just needed to wind down for a bit.
Prior to us talking he mentioned that he had been out of playing for quite awhile. We chatted back and forth on Recon, text, and phone. I was as explicit and thorough as I could possibly be about my intentions and expectations. I attempt to make sure every person I play with is confident that I will take good care of them. I want to make sure they are having as good of a time as I am.
Sometimes I may go a bit overboard with messaging and explanations about how I play. But I do that because I genuinely want them to feel safe when they come through the door. Actually before they step through the threshold of the room.
There have been subs that have been turned off by that. Some prefer more of a sense of danger. Some like a more aggressive and "In your face" approach And that is fine. My solution: Go to those Doms that will give you that "no questions asked" approach. That's not me.
"I'm very sorry. I don't want to be one of those flakes but I just don't know..."
"I had a lot planned for us. I spent a great deal of time and money on this trip and hotel," I said as calmly as possible.
I hate to sound like one of those jerks that feel entitled to getting a piece because they spend money on their dates. No means no and I respect that. But to not even attempt to come over and have a discussion or anything is more than disappointing.
It was more than the money for the room. It was more than the sex and more than the two hour drive into the city. It was a mixture of all of that and being denied the opportunity to earn that person's trust and connection whether we played or not.
I'm not going to lie I was upset and a little pissed. But more than that, I was; the only word I can think of is deflated. Like someone let all of the air out of me.
"We spent about 20 minutes on the phone getting a feel of what his concerns were. I really wanted the opportunity to earn his trust and show him my form of play. However if there was one thing I was not going to do is attempt to convince him to do anything. I wasn't even going to try to convince him that he could trust me.
"So what are you looking for?
Talking to him, he mentioned that as a sub it has never been about his pleasure and that the mutual satisfaction thing was foreign to him. He was also used to being told what to do and given specific instructions. He also mentioned that the pain aspect was prevalent in his process of serving.
"I can do that." I replied.
He basically needed affirmation that I was going to be an assertive and firm Dom. He didn't need the intensity to even level up to how he usually plays as long as there was a prominent Dominant presence in the Top.
There are aspects of domination and humiliation that reduces the sub to being the sole object of the Dom's pleasure. It is a conditioning that often includes name calling, belittling and treating the sub as nothing more than the Dom's property. This practice often programs the sub into not only accepting this way of play, but it can program them to expect nothing other than this level.
This programing is great for many D/s encounters. It can be quite problematic for those who are more on the nurturing side.
To make a long story short, he did decide to come over after our conversation.
I knew he felt the need to be given orders what to do so I gave him explicit directions what to do when he got to the hotel. Actually the protocol was no different from what I usually expect my subs to do when they get to the place of play, with variations depending on my mood.
7:35pm
Pain Pig entered the room.
He did as instructed. He stripped down to his underwear, put on the knee pads and collar with the leash attached. From the various choices of sight depravation, he chose the famous black and red hood seen in many of my videos. He then got on his knees and waited.
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