WHAT DID I JUST DO

 Summer of 1997

 LINKS: THE LEVEE

               THE INITIATION

It was a hot summer day and I wanted to go for a walk by the levee.  My motive for going changed dramatically since my encounter with the guy by the levee.  My whole perspective of what I'm reaching for has been divided in two.  The battle between my faith and sexuality continued to rage.  

What once was a casual walk became an obsession. 

I constantly searched for that lust hit that reeled me in the first time.  I may have lied to others.  I may have lied to myself.  But my heart knew why I was out there.

I was looking for that hit. 

Would I find him again? 

It had to have been about 1pm in the afternoon.  I roamed the levee area for at least two hours going on my "walk." 

I decided to return back home after not finding what I was looking for.

Later during sunset

I decided to take another walk out by the river.  I had resolved that I didn't need to "look" for anything and I would simply enjoy the outdoors.

 I started with my normal route, walking down the concrete road walking past the first and second parking lots, near where the restrooms were.  I walked past that area through the gate that leads to the bike trail. 

 

On my walk, I noticed a White guy venturing off the bike trail down a path leading into some bushes.  It is not uncommon for folks to take trails leading through the shrubbery for shade.  I didn't think much of it until I saw another guy walking in behind him.  He gave me the same look that the Masturbator gave me weeks days prior.  

Curiosity got the best of me.  I soon followed his

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MARK’S DNA INSIDE OF ME (PART 4)

        Links: THE INITIATION

                   THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

                  ORAL TRAINING

                  SIR

The year was 2002. It was my introduction into BDSM. And How I discovered the Dom in me. Day 4 of about a week of learning about being a sub for SIR. Also my breaking point.

By day four I was a mess,  I wasn't getting the sleep that I needed to be effective on my job.  I would bring this to his attention and insist that he lets me go earlier. 

 "Get over here or I will find another sub who will," he would snarl.

"What’s it going to be," he asked impatiently and almost sarcastically as if he was so sure I was going to drop everything to receive his dick.

Of course I wanted to please him. 
I wanted to make him feel as good as I possibly could.  

However, It would be nice to be able to get a good night's rest one night. 

1:00am 

 My jaw was killing me for being open for such a long time.  He used my mouth, and he used it good.  He decided to take my asshole and fuck me until I couldn't bear it.

 The way he ripped into me was so intense that it had me yelling almost a horrible cry but it wasn’t a cry of protest or major pain but a cry of, "Thank you!"

"Yes!" I would cry grabbing the sheets. 

Facing the mattress I would grab the sheets as I would watch in that small strip of mirror each time he plowed into me. It was always or at least mostly always me restrained, face down with him fucking me from behind. It was rarely face to face if ever.

After he was done he sent me home.  It was about 2:45am

Day 5

SIR called me over. At this point I felt that my role of ever being a top was being stripped away.  I had

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THE WALK

 LINK: THE INITIATION

Summer 1997


1997. This is before I had anal sex with any man.

Although my first official encounter with a man  was back in 92, when the guy known as MY FIRST showed me, how to suck dick. 
This period was way before my sexual development. 

1993 is the year that I went to church with a friend of mine, became interested in learning more about God, life and myself.  I began Bible studies and became an official member of the church, leading me on a spiritual journey. 

I don't really talk about my spiritual walk or my time in the church on this blog for the simple fact that I hold that journey to be a sacred one. Even though there were some challenging times during this period (1993 - 2001) and I don't practice my faith like when I was in the fellowship, that chapter is still a very sacred part of me.  Therefore, that is a place I rarely go on this blog. 

I bring this rare occasion up, because it ties in to the story at hand. 

It was 1997.

It was a summer day.  I was 26 years old.  The weather was warm but not overbearing; a perfect time of the day to go for a walk. 

It is not uncommon for me to go out, walk and catch some nice warm sun, especially taking that I used to live less than 10 minutes away from the river access. 


Although at the time I didn't have a car, the river access was no more than a 10 minute walk from the house I was living in.

There is a trail that I would walk with friends of mine from the church.  We spent a lot of time on those trails talking, praying, even hashing out our disagreements together. It was a trail that 
I've walked many times with my fellow brothers, as well as many times I've walked alone. 

One afternoon, I was making my way through the trail.  I walked down a path going towards the river. 
As I found myself walking through the shrubs, I saw a person about 20 feet away from me. I paid this person no attention at first because I just saw him as just another person walking through the shrubbery getting to the river access. As I continued, I noticed him staring at me. 
I looked back, smiled and said hi as I went on about my business.

 I noticed as I was walking sounds of footsteps behind me. They were not majorly close, but close enough to hear the bustling of the bushes.  I turned around it was the gentleman.  Although I knew it wasn't uncommon for people to reach for a similar destination by the river, there were the concerns for my safety taking that I was in a place that makes it hard to see if something were to happen.  

Without making my behavior too conspicuous, I picked up the pace and turned left.  He turned right into a cul de sac of bushes.

I turned around  slightly relieved that he wasn't following me. I saw him more and more into the distance as I migrated away from him.

He was still staring at me.

I found that quite strange behavior.  My emotions transitioned from being nervous about my safety to an actual curiosity as it appeared as though he was

signaling me to come over.  The gesture wasn't obvious but just enough.  My curiosity was sparked.

I started walking back to where he was.  As the vision became clearer, I saw him standing there with his penis out.  It was very hard.  He was holding it. He wasn't stroking it, much. (very slowly) but he was holding it while looking at me.  I was totally shocked.  I was thinking to myself, "What the heck is going on?"

 I have never seen anything like this in public in my life.  I was stuck between confused, somewhat disturbed, and even turned on.  I found myself more disturbed and confused than anything.  I walked away, to turn back towards the main road. I actually decided to walk back.  He was still there with this penis out, looking at me.  I stayed there for about probably 60 seconds to a minute and a half just watching him as he looked at me. I then turned around and I left that place as fast as I could. 


There was so much that was going through my head: 

"Why in the hell would he do something like that? Why was he looking at me?"

 
And then there was the disgust that someone would actually do something like that in public. There was also the disgust that I actually liked what I saw.  I was captivated, and it did disgust me.  It disgusted me because I was on my walk.  Not just any casual kind of walk by the river, but I was on another walk. 


I was on a journey.  It had been very difficult,  but also a rewarding journey.   A spiritual walk. 

Yeah, I was a church boy.   But I was more than just a church boy.  I was truly on a mission to be the best me I could be.  Sometimes what my flesh wanted went against what the doctrine taught me, and it did cause battles.  It did leave scars. Even 30 years later.  That is perfectly alright because I'm much more mature now. But I still have such a long way to go. 

I understand the importance of knowing what my own personal walk looks like. 

At the time, it was a challenge trying to understand the difference between my spiritual walk and my sexual journey and understanding that often the two would clash.  Even today I cannot say the two are reconciled.  But I do know that even though I find great pleasure in writing about my sexcapades, I love photographing artistic male nudes, I love BDSM and Kink, It does not feed my soul.  If I'm being really honest it is nothing more than a pleasurable distraction. The real peace is listening to that still small voice that is most powerful than anything I can think of.  

For me it is a matter of learning balance.

I believe the days of being the good church boy are over.  But I also know I'm not trying to be a heathen neither.

Time reveals.

INTRODUCTION TO THE PHONE LINE

 LINKS: THE INITIATION

             THE PHONE LINE

Eighteen was a good year  for me.  It was the dawn of my adulthood and my ability to discover porn on a much deeper level than I had been able to prior.

My fantasies ran wild all by myself.  Just me and my dirty gay mags would keep me entertained for hours before any of my family members would make it home.  I had it made.

I would jack off three, four, sometimes five times in a day.  Sometimes it was in the bathroom with just my thoughts and my hand.  Other times would be in my bed room with the door closed, entertaining myself with my porn stash.  I aways kept them mainly in my backpack.  I knew if my mom decided to clean my room, that would be the one place she wouldn't go. 

I would lay in my room, on the floor with my back against the door, mag in one hand, my dick in the other.  Needless to say I enjoyed my mags very much.

An entertainment I would soon discover just as fun as the pictures were the adds.  All of these sexy adds of guys with their shirts open, staring seductively at the camera while holding an old-fashioned phone while the cord would be wrapped half way around their bodies.

The lure would be in dirty catch phrases to get you to call their number (in small print of course) for only 99 cents a minute. 

I thought, “Who would be desperate enough to pay for that?”

Well…

At first I thought it was absurd. Then, the curiosity started eating away. There was just one problem.

There was no way I could call on the phone at home.

I would have my first job at eighteen working for a taco place.  The food was gross but I loved those paychecks.  I had convinced my parents that it was time for me to have my own separate phone line.  They agreed as long as I understood it was my responsibility to pay my own bill.

 My first call was to my friend that lived down the street and around the way from me.  Finally I could talk without walking all the way out to the kitchen.

It would not be long before curiosity of what those phone chat lines were about struck me.

I had no idea what to expect but was excited to find out.  What I discovered with my first phone call was a lot of aggressively horny men saying some of what sounded like the most outlandish stuff I've ever heard.

 Of all of the details I could remember, none would stick out more to me than the guy that told me he wanted me to make his pussy fart.  

What the living fuck?

First where would I find a pussy on a man?

Well, this was over 35 years ago.  This was way before it became norm to refer to any part of a man's body as a pussy.  

Ask me today where the pussy on a man is.

I found it a little overwhelming with overzealous men saying crazy things to me.  It was a little weird.  But it didn't stop me from getting off on it.  

It is safe to say that all of the men that were on that line I talked to were mostly over 30 with plenty of them 40 plus. At the time It was quite intriguing

that so many grown men were showing me so much

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MARK’S DNA INSIDE ME: (PART 3)

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MARK’S DNA INSIDE OF ME - (PART 2)

LINKS: THE INITIATION

              SIR

              THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

              ORAL TRAINING

The year 2002

 About 2:45am  

As I moved my head forward to receive SIR's cock, he grabbed the back of my head and slowly pushed his hips forward, filling my mouth with his dick.  His cock reached the back of my throat causing me to gag.  

He didn't do it forcefully but it was still a lot for me to take especially not being used to oral as much.

"Suck it." He said with authority.

I began to grab his waist.  I held on to his waist, going down to his hips until I got to his butt cheeks and squeezed a bit pushing his pelvis into my face.  For the first time I was getting used to blowing him. I was finally making love to his hips and buttocks as I guided them back and forth pushing his cock in and out of my mouth.

He allowed this for only a few seconds.

"Hands behind your back.  And keep them there," he ordered.

He began pumping my face slowly and deep.  I attempted not to fight it but my gag reflex was not as open as it is now.  After a few minutes, my throat finally started loosening up to the intruder.

As I got more into it, I made the mistake of going under his shirt to feel his chest.  What a great feeling to feel his chiseled slightly furry chest.

But it wouldn't last for long.

He bent down and pinched my nipples as hard as he could.  

"Did I say you could fucking touch me!"he snarled.

"No SIR!" I yelled in pain.

"Are you going to do that again?"

"No SIR!"

"Where are your hands supposed to be!"

"Behind my back," I wailed.

"Behind your back, what!" He yelled.

"Behind my back SIR!"

A few minutes later

He was still inside me but my jaw was getting sore.  

"Umm, umm," I mumbled.

Umm, Umm," I mumbled louder.

"You had enough?"

"Umm Hmm," I slurred as I nodded my head,"Yes."

"Good boy," he replied.

He took his cock out.  

I saw his cock swinging in the air with my spit oozing down the shaft to his balls.  It was a

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MARK’S DNA INSIDE OF ME - (PART 1)

                     Links: THE INITIATION

THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

The year 2002 - Present 

I am Mark.

I have been for quite some time.

Birth and legal names hold no relevance here.

Every name on this blog whether given by birth, nick name, or by character description serves a purpose of bringing each person to his own unique existence.

Although I am indeed Mark, there is another Mark whose DNA lives inside me.

This DNA belongs to the man that initiated me into the world of kink and BDSM.  He is the man who dug deep into my insides and ran them inside out.  He is the man that I would refer to as SIR.

Some time in 2002.

At a local gay bar

Saturday about 1:00am

It was about 1:00am in the morning.  I was out at the local gay dive bar.  I've been out for some time that night cruising.  

For me at the time, being gay was more about finding ass and dick than anything. 

Although I did have a few gay friends from the Gay men's support group I was a part of, I was more about being on the prowl when I went out.  I am way freer to be a ho solo.

I was getting out of one way of life and finding out how to live my life in my new one.  Spending years in the church was a great experience for me in many ways and yet also it caused many personal and spiritual struggles that I sometimes still deal with today.

I'm not a big alcohol drinker.  I never have been.  I was not going out with any friends.  I chose it that way when I was horny and out on the prowl.  

It was late and I was bored.  I decided that I would buy one more soft drink and call this Saturday night a wrap.

I ordered one more Sprite.  

I migrated to another open table as the previous one was taken.  Across from me was a very handsome Latino man.   He had short dark wavy hair, olive brown skin and a thin goatee.  

We exchange eye contact for awhile.

After a few minutes he walked to my table and asked to have a seat.

We introduced ourselves.  We are both Mark.   We laughed at the introduction.

"Nice to meet you Mark," he laughed.

"Nice to meet you Mark," I replied with a giggle.

I don't remember much about what we chatted about.   But I do know that he was interested in bringing me home and I was interested in going with him.

"So what are you?  Top?  Bottom?  Versatile?"

"I am a versatile top but I am more of a top," I replied.

"And yourself?" I asked.

"I'm a total top." Mark replied.

"Total top?" 

"Yes." He responded.

Usually I end up topping even other tops or we end up flipping.  Because of this,  I assume that at some point I will get to top him.  

As we continued to get to know each other's preferences, He made it most definitely clear that he is a total top and that he was going to top me if I came to his place.  Although I am a versatile guy, my role as the top guy was clearly being taken away.  Remember, I am the guy that got total tops  to bend for me.  And usually it wasn't because we fought over the role.  Most guys would see my dick and would just be on it.

Oh my goodness! It sounds as though I am bragging and an arrogant son of a bitch.  But it is true.  I would be the first to say it.  

I don't have a huge dick.  It is not majorly long.  But it does have good reach and the biggest feature is the girth.

"So are you okay with that?"

"What? Me being a bottom?

"Yes."

"I don't have a problem but It is rare that I bottom. and I am pretty tight."

"Don't worry about that.  I will take my time with you."  He said.

As we were continuing our vetting, he said, "I want you to be my boy."

This was 2002.  I was 31 years old.  I was still very much in the closet.  

Just one year ago I was a "good" church boy with a "dark" secret.  The only thing I really knew about gay culture, and the varieties of sex is what I experienced cruising local parks, restrooms, behind bushes, hunting the gay bars, and the infamous sex phone line that got me laid plenty of times.  None of those experiences mentioned anything about what the term "boy" means in the gay kink world. As a matter of fact I was so vanilla, that vanilla was nothing more than a flavor.

"Be your boy?"

"Yes.  Do you know what that means?"

"What does that entail?"

"It is better if I show you.  You can follow me back to my place.  I can show you what it means to be my boy.  At anytime you can leave if you don't like it."

We finished our drinks and went to his place.  

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DAYS OF THE LEVEE

 LINK: THE INITIATION

            THE PHONE LINE

            MY FIRST

           THE LEVEE

    

   

March 8, 2022 

 As I was driving home from shopping, I drove past an old cruising spot.  By this time of day one could have looked down the street and easily seen at least six to seven cars parked by the sidewalk.

 Looking to the end of the road one would see a levee with at least two to three guys circling back and forth across it like vultures.

Today as I drove past, I saw not one car down that street; not one soul pacing the levee. 

I couldn't help but feel a bit melancholy as I drove past.  There was a time that I would at least drive to the end of the road for old time sake.

Today I figured,"What's the point?"

I just wanted to get home.  I was out running errands and was ready to relax. 

Inside my heart however, was this mixture of reminiscence of all the hot times I had; blended with great sadness of things just not being like it used to. 

Days of the levee were wild.  

My initiation into cruising the levee goes back to 1992.  I was 21 years old.  There was this phone line that charged an arm, leg and your first born a minute to engage in phone sex with other horny guys looking to get off.  Sometimes there would be the chance that both parties would be interested in meeting up.

My very first experience with another guy came from this chat line.  He was my first male experience.  He actually introduced me to cruising. 

One day after we got together we started talking about the whole gay scene which I had no clue about.  That's when he told me that later that night he was going to go cruising and asked if I wanted to come.  I heard of the term but wasn't familiar with it. I agreed and he picked me up later that night.

Although we hooked up a few times prior to this, I really didn't know much about this guy.  I must admit I was getting quite nervous when he kept driving and the location was getting more secluded and dark.  We finally got to the end of the road.

"What is this?"

"This is the spot where guys cruise.  Just over that levee are guys everywhere doing all kinds of stuff.  This my friend is the place to be,"  he said confidently.

"I don't see anybody out here."

He laughed,"That's because we're in the car and not up there."

He pointed to the gravel road leading up to the levee.

Just as he said that a guy walked across, slowed down and looked right into the car.  Another guy walked up and stopped as if he was waiting for us to get out of the car.  One by one guys started coming up from the other side.

The sight was quite unnerving for me. 

The guy that I refer to as My First saw that I was somewhat uncomfortable.  For some reason he thought getting me out of the car would make me feel more at ease.  As we walked toward the gravel road there were young guys, old guys, really cute guys and some not so great looking guys. 

There were a lot of really short shorts, tight jeans with obviously no underwear and guys in sweats with a lot dangling. 

My eyes were intrigued but I still didn't feel comfortable.  As we got up to the other side of the levee there was little to no light but I could definitely hear the voices and movement in the bushes and the scuffling of rocks.

That adventure lasted no longer than a few minutes as I asked My First if we could leave.  He was very accommodating and drove me home. 

My next experience with the levee would be years later in 1997 when out of curiosity if I could even find the place sparked my drive. 

By the following visit, I had my own transportation.  I also decided to check it out more during the beginning of sunset when there was plenty of light.  I felt much safer.  I still didn't do anything with anyone but this time I watched as guys were blowing each other.  

It really wasn't until 2001 when I blossomed sexually. 

2001 - 2012 was my peak. The levee's traffic started becoming less and less when I was starting to explore my sexuality.  But it was still popping enough to have some good times there.  Now its just a place for the unhoused to build there tents.  

After numerous sweeps and arrests along with an increase of police patrolling; the place changed.  

Ironically the cops don't patrol as much now that the cruising activity has seized.  But the homeless has basically turned that area into a tent city.

On one hand I am glad that the unhoused have a place they can dwell in a somewhat safe environment.  I just really missed the hot times that were had there and it is no longer a beautiful site with all the garbage around.  But like the saying goes nothing stays the same.  And so goes the days of the levee.

MY SECOND INTERROGAYTION EVENT

Friday 13, 2024

About 12:00pm

LINK INTERROGAYTION

         LB

        THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

        THE INITIATION

       ALABASTER

       PEARLY WHITES

       SHOOTER

       SEXY GUARD

              

              

              

The day has come.  I am getting my stuff ready to go to San Francisco for their fourth Interrogaytion event.  For me it will be my second.  I'm attending as a guard.  The last time I attended, I was a deputy.  

To understand more of the theme read THE INTERROGAYTION.

I decide that this time I am not going to bring as much to the event.  Just my lube, condoms and a few other items.  

Even though I hardly Bareback I decide to go with my 2-1-1 Prep routine just in case I do here and there.  12 noon I take my two pills and pack my Doxy as well.  

Around 8:00pm

I arrive late due to traffic and leaving later than expected.  When I get in, I show my ID and get my number.  I Strip naked and put my belongings into the bag given at coat check. 

Normally I would have some type of jockstrap or outfit on for the event.  This time I am going with my black ball cap of course, my leather cock ring and black gloves.   I decide to be nude.  I normally overheat with a bunch of stuff on so I'm keeping it simple.  I look at my leather wallet holster.  I debate if I want to bring it or not.  It has my lube and condoms in it.  I make my mind up not to bring it.  

I decide this event, I'm going to go bare.  That means no condoms what so ever.

This would be my first time.  

This wouldn't be my first barebacking but my first time doing it in such a capacity.  I have always been more heedful in whom I have unprotected sex with.

One being that I am coming from a generation that used protection after the AIDS crisis.  It has become second nature now.  The second being that I've always viewed that as something I do with a small circle of people that I have built a special connection with.    

No more contemplating. 

I decide to leave the holster in the bag and just go with just me.  

Since I get in late, everyone is already fucking.  The sounds of men moaning, screaming and flesh slapping against each other; added with the rattling of the slings, brings a dark and almost ominous air to the atmosphere.  Anyone unfamiliar with what is going on behind the black curtain would probably hesitate going past the dark threshold.  For the rest of us, it is the call that we are home.

At this point, the times of and order in which things happen may or may not be out of order.  Everything is a blur once behind the black curtain.  There are no devices, no sense of time, just 100% fucking.

I walk into the venue.  To my right is a couch with three inmates with their asses poked out waiting to be plugged.  To my left is a sling with a guard railing a guy that sounds very familiar.  I have heard those moans before.  Even though the inmates are hooded, I can totally recognize my buddy.  It's LB and he's taking it hard and deep.

The sights and sounds are arousing but I'm not fully up yet.  Honestly, I'm inquisitive and yet tentative on whether I am on board with sticking my dick into a bunch of unknown assholes I have no knowledge of.  

To help get my mind into a groove, I look down at my not quite semi hard dick, lube up and slowly stroke.  

The aesthetic of the leather cock ring around my freshly trimmed cock and balls starts to get me more aroused.  I've also lost about 15 pounds in the last few weeks; so my belly is no longer eclipsing my erection.  I actually feel much sexier these days. 

 

I look down as I stroke my dick with my leather cock ring.  I apply a bit of lube.  I walk towards the couch.  I migrate towards the first inmate at the end with his ass poked out.  He has fair skin; not much color to him, almost alabaster. 

I walk up to him and touch his backside to let him know I am behind him. As I stick my finger in to test the waters, I begin to grow.  Slowly I insert myself into him.  He lets out a moan almost as a sigh of relief.  It’s warm, moist and just the right fit.  I go in and begin fucking. 

"Oh yeah! Fuck yes! Fuck!" He repeats over and over as I pick up the pace.

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