STAND UP TO HIM

 Other than my post DADDY ISSUES POSSIBLY and HISTORY, I really haven't talked much about my dad.  

Back in September of last year I wrote a post, THE EXODUS Stating that my dad has taken ill.  Well, since then my dad barely walks.  He has fallen in the tub and the lady friend he lives with had to call my sister to get him to agree for help from the paramedics. 

Needless to say he is a stubborn old goat.  He gives her shit that is too much for her.  The only way that any sense can be knocked into him possibly, and I stress possibly, is if my sister talks to him.  Dad has left her in charge of his affairs when the need comes.  Although they are two peas in a pod, that dynamic can leave them at a standoff.

Get two alpha big dogs in a room and there is either going to be a serious throw down or absolutely nothing will get done because no one will budge. 

That is where the wandering kid chasing butterflies comes in.  

I have always been considered the quiet one.  The slightly off centered member doing his own thing. Not confrontational what so ever. The one that used to be somewhat of a push over, not because I was afraid of those who would take advantage of my nature, but because I really did hate to have to step on anyone's toes.  Often I was the one that would take many offenses to avoid offending.

My dad and I never had many heart to heart chats when I was growing up. Honestly we both sort of ran from them. But there are some key moments that sticks with me to this day.

My dad used to tell me whenever he knew I was mad at him but wouldn't express it, "One day you are going to have to stand up to me." 

This was a theme I heard a few times as a kid and more frequent as a teen. 

Needless to say, although I have pointed it out before, I have always been intimidated by my father.  I love him very much and I know he loves me but there were places I dared not to go with him even up to, well, yesterday.

The lady friend gave me a call and basically let me know she cannot do it by herself and needs help and my dad being stubborn is not making the situation any better. 

I called my sister to let her know the conversation we had.  We both agreed that it is time for him to get a caregiver.  My sister agreed to look into various benefits for veterans that would help out with such needs and I would be the one to talk to him about it.  I not only agreed but I suggested being the one to talk to him. 

My sister does a lot to help my dad.  She is very savvy with documentation, finding various resources and so on.  But having her do all the foot work and be the villain would not be fair.  And besides, I want to do this.  I need to do this.

When my dad told me in my youth, "Someday you will have to stand up to me," I often wondered what he meant. 

I often wondered if it was a challenge.  I often wondered if it was just an intimidation tactic to keep me in line.  I often wondered if he knew I was gay and waiting for me to have the guts to come out to him.  (By the way, he told me in one of our heart to hearts as a teen that one of the three of my friends were going to be gay if not all of them including me.) That shocked the living piss out of me.  But I never prepared myself for a totally different option.  The day I would have to tell my dad, "This is what is going to happen and no, you don't have a choice. Yes I know you are upset.  But this is what is going to happen."