GOOD BYE BOY N

LINKS: boy N 

            THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

Originally posted on my previous blog

                                        May 22, 2022

I had a suspicion when boy N texted he was unavailable, that he had second thoughts about continuing with our arrangement.  I didn't say anything I just waited for him to text whenever he had time.

May 23, 2022

boy N texted, "Hello Sir."

"Hello how you. What are you up," I responded.

"Sir! I was masturbating, then I fell asleep.  How's everything in Daddy's world?"

I responded,"I would like to speak with you on the phone.  When will you be available?"

"I'm available now, Sir."

I was disappointed that he had masturbated taking that we had roughly arranged to having our calls  near the beginning of each week.  

A part of me felt like this was his way of testing me or maybe even letting me know that he's going to touch himself anytime he feels like it.  There was also the reality that boy N is a Bator.  This is just what he does.  It might not have even entered his mind what he did and since we never made any solid commitments to any type of dynamic, all is open.

We chatted for awhile and I shared with him how I felt.  

"What I would like to do is make Mondays the days we get the opportunity to talk and if you have other arrangements that's fine. But I would like to make Mondays a day reserved for me as far as not touching yourself until I've said it's okay."

There was a very long pause.

I asked, "What are you thinking?"

"I'm just thinking through my days and wondering if this is going to be difficult for me."

I asked,"What do you think would make it difficult?"

I already knew the answer.  

"Well, I'm not used to answering to anybody," he replied.

"Ahh! Bingo!" I said.

"And I'm not used to restraining myself if I want to jerk off," he replied somewhat defensively.

There was another pause of dead silence between us.

"So, that's what I'm thinking."

As we came to a close, he agreed to call or text me in the following days regarding his decision on whether he was willing to go along with the arrangement or not.

June 3, 2022

I checked my text messages.  I received a message yesterday from  him.  After giving what we talked about some thought, he decided to discontinue training.  He thanked me for our time together and my willingness to train him.

I must say I am not surprised.  I'm not even disappointed.  

Since getting back into the groove of playing, I have a different perspective.  I don't pounder or wonder what went wrong, what I possibly did or didn't do, or try to convince anyone why they should play or continue to play with me.  I simply let be what will be.

I will say this.  I enjoyed talking with him.  

Even though it didn't work with us in a D/s dynamic I would love to continue to chat with him and get to know him as a friend.  But at the end of the day that too is up to him. I am here to open the door. It is up to the other party / parties to walk through.

Looking at The Four Milestones one would probably see this as part of THE SCARS  However I see it as THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF.  This was in no way a negative experience.  It was one man coming to the realization that being submissive is not for him.

Also I am fully aware that this is an online dynamic.  We are on opposite sides of the country.  I get that inclination to commit to any type of arrangement is very low if not committed in some type of partnership.

For me this is all part of The Making of who Daddy Scruff is, who I strive to be and determination to get there.  I am learning the importance of being clear and concise of what my expectations are in play.  And not settling for anything less even if it means losing a few play partners in the interim.

As read above, this took place back in 2022.  There was a period when boy N and I didn't chat for awhile.  I can't remember if it was weeks or months. I somehow lost our messages to properly determine the gap.  It is totally possible I erased them in one of my purging sprees.  But we have since started talking again. I learned for him, that his desire to be "boyish" is different from being submissive; a concept that as a versatile man understand to a degree.  But as a Dominant still trying to wrap my head around.

I wanted to post this now to somewhat reintroduce him to my readers as he has made quite an impact recently with a heart to heart conversation we had.  It is one thing for someone to wish you well and offer their sympathy / empathy of challenges that I am going through. It is a whole different level for someone to listen to what you are saying, share their similar experiences and resonate on a special level.

I am totally grateful for the time he spent talking with me the other day.

HARDON AND SOME OATMEAL

Originally posted on my previous blog

This morning May 13, 2021

Link: boy N

This morning while I had the bacon on the grill, I received a call.  I chatted for a bit with them and got off the phone and started the water for my oatmeal. I finished preparing breakfast and sat down to eat.  As I was having my breakfast I noticed my message notification.  I see that I received a text.  It was from boy N. He had followed my instructions.  I was so proud of boy.  I felt the swelling between my legs as I ate my oatmeal and bacon.

The day before he mentioned he was unsure if he could go without stroking himself.  But he did.  I haven’t decided what reward to give him for being a good boy but he definitely deserves something.  One of the challenges of not being in a physical Session is finding unique rewards and punishments.  But I’m sure I’ll work it out.

boy N THE SEXY ITALIAN

Wednesday May 11, 2022

Originally posted on my previous blog

Link: boy N

I had a very interesting phone conversation with a sexy Italian Dom.  He shared some pictures of himself.  His body is pretty much covered with hair.  He has a salt and pepper beard, shaved head, dark brown eyes and a smile that was amazing.

He sent me one picture of him smiling and another one of him smoking a cigar.

His presence is very masculine.  The image of him with the cigar in his mouth definitely displayed his Alpha presence.

We talked over an hour getting to know each other.
He shared some very intimate things with me and I with him. 

As it is, he connected to me and shared about some reservations he had toward being able to trust me enough to totally let go and be boy N.

I will call him boy N on this blog.     

He reads this blog occasionally.  I hope it makes his dick thump knowing he is now boy N.

He is very masculine and dominant by nature.  All of his life he's been in charge; So power exchange from him to me is going to be different.  But he wants it.  

I believe he's ready to tap into that side of him.  I must say I am very proud of him already.  It takes a lot to be as open as he was with me today.  We both opened up a great deal.  That is the key to great power exchange no matter how far away we are from each other.  

I am actually pretty excited because mind domination can often be much more powerful than being in the same room face to face.  It involves the sub being willing to be honest when given instructions to do something.  It requires the Dom's trust that his instructions will be carried out by his boy.  And there is something about hearing a sub's voice over the phone that is incredibly hot.

boy N's instruction for today was to make sure he does not touch his erection no matter how hard it is for him to do so.  He has been instructed to get his fingers nice and lubed and play with his butthole. But he is not to touch or stroke his cock.

The next time we talk he is to report back and share his experience and what he felt about the situation.

As much as I would like to journal his response  I will not.  This is our first experience and I  chose to keep this between him and me.

I will keep my journal up to date as much as possible.  A lot will determine what boy N is alright with.  Every journey and relationship is about trust and respect and I want boy to be as comfortable as possible.

By the way I am rock hard as I think about what we talked about and anticipating our next chat.  My drawers have been damp with my precum since 3:00pm.  It's currently 9:57pm.  I've been having raging hard ons on and off ever since.  But I have not touched myself.  Nor will I.  

I believe if I'm going to order anyone to restrain from jacking off I should have the self control to do so myself.  I don't always abstain with the sub but sometimes I will depending.

So here I sit, blue balled and sticky drawers and as elated as I possibly could be knowing that I made an amazing connection.