QUICK UPDATE

Link: THE EXODUS

Saturday September 6, 2025

5:18pm

It’s Saturday evening.  I’m laying on the couch in the living room under the fan waiting on boss to call me in to help him with some things.  Although Boss currently needs more assistance with activities of daily living, being home is allowing me to get more chores around the apartment completed.  I’m also not as pressed with important business that I need to take care of for my dad.  It was a little crazy when Boss first came home.  We both had to get used to a new way of living with his limitations.

He is however gaining his strength back. 

It is a long process but he is getting better.

It’s not all smooth sailing.  But we are learning what works for us as far as his safety and his health.  I have even had more time to relax and do some writing. 

It doesn’t change the fact that there are some physical aspects that can be pretty hard on my body.  It comes with the territory. 

Speaking of which, I’ve had no calls as of late for any positions.  This is all good in my book.  I did discover that the family of the client I was taking care of put out an add paying five dollars more than they were paying me.

Ain’t that a bitch!

I’m not even mad though.  

One of these days I’m going to take my name off all registries and call it a wrap. 

Being a caregiver is a thankless job.  It takes a person with a special kind of heart for people to do it for as long as I have.  Hence the reason they get away with doing their employees wrong.  

I’m fully aware of all the guilt trips they pull on us. 

The “do it for your clients,” the “we all have to pull our own weight and take on some extra shifts,” not to mention the “they need yous,” and the big one, “It’s just not in our budgets for…” you fill in the blank.

I’m so immune to that bullshit it doesn’t even phase me anymore.

No.  I’m not available.  No.  I cannot work more hours, and I need my raise please!

I am actually relieved that I am not dealing with all that bullshit anymore.  

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed working with my clients.  Most of them were a delight to work for.  

Most. 

Once Boss’s leave is up.  He is going to go back to work but only part time. 

So this means there is going to be some things we need to cut back on. 

I'm going to look for something I can do that will give me flexible hours.  I mean really flexible.  

With Boss’s daily needs as well as his doctor's appointments and physical therapy, having a set schedule will be damn near impossible.

Maybe I will see what some of these ridesharing platforms are like.  Maybe something like Uber, Lift, or Uber eats.  Something that will allow me to bring in a little extra along with the hours I get with Boss.  It may be a little tight for a moment.  But we are

brainstorming now and working our bills out so that when the storm comes we can be as ready as possible. 

As for now, I feel pretty good about things.  There is no major crisis going on with Dad.  The narcissist isn’t yelling my ear off on how much of a fuck up I am compared to them.  It is all pretty chill.  I'm going to take this time and savor it.

GOING OUT WITH A BANG!!!

 LINKS: LB

             THE EXODUS

AUGUST 1, 2025

After spending close to a month in rehab, the facility finally set a date that Boss would be released.

Uncertain what the circumstances would be once he got out, I informed Boss that I would be going out of town before he got out.

August 2, 2025

I want to make sure whoever I get with is very special, as it may be a while before I do it again.  As a matter of fact, the person I decide to get together with must be someone I really connect with to make it worth my while.

This is easy: 

LB.

I send him a message.

"I would love to spend a few hours with you. I'm thinking August 8th around 7pm until we both fall out? lol..."

Nothing on my calendar ... so that date would work, sure!" He responds.

August 5th

"Hi Mark. How are things looking for this Friday..."

He sends me a link of a guy in one of the telegram groups.  He's a white guy with a humongous dick.  

I never saw what he looks like because he only post from his torso down.  I just know that he has what appears to be maybe a 31 or 32 waist. He is wearing some blue jeans a dress shirt and a monster of a dick poking out of those jeans.

LB writes,"This guy looks fun, if you have any desire to bring in a third..."

I ask if he contacted him.

"I haven't chatted with him at all. No insight," he replies.

"You just saw his cock and was dicknatized!🤣 That's okay. So was I. lol"I joke.

We attempt with a good amount of prospects but can't find anyone.  I decide it's for the best anyway.  This way I could have him all to myself.

August 8, 2025

  About 6:00pm

We spend a few minutes chatting and getting our devices ready for recording.  He has this set up on his phone in the upper corner of the bed which gives a great perspective.  He also has another phone that he sets up somewhat to the side of the bed.  I have my iPad that I usually always use.  That is it for me.  

After getting our recording devices together we strip down to our underwear.  I am in my signature black ball cap, black tank top and blue and black jockstrap.  He is in a black shirt and blue boxer briefs.  It wasn't planned but our colors are matching.  It is like serendipity.  The last big hurrah before my Exodus and even our colors match. (although the clothes comes off very early in our play) I didn't even recognize it until reviewing the footage.

Because I hate how the first dose of 2-1-1 Prep makes me sick, I choose to take my first dose the day prior which leaves me only one pill to take.  My goal is to start off with condoms and later if I decide to go bare for a while, I will.

As we are on the bed, he decides to turn his Apple Watch to a work out monitor to see how many calories he burns during our own work out.

We get into some brief foreplay.

Click here to continue reading  

A NEW CHAPTER, SAME JOURNEY

 LINK: THE EXODUS

Boss, my husband has been in rehabilitation.  There has been a change in his mobility.  When he finally got out of rehab a few days ago, I pretty much knew that our lifestyle would be much different as he requires more physical care.  

I don't know what this new lifestyle is going to look like in the future but I know for now, his needs require me to be there for him a lot more than I have in the past.  

I'm okay with that.  I'm more of a homebody anyway.

For now, this is my EXODUS from the whole scene; at least for a while.  I don't know what a while looks like.  

It could be a few months.  It may be a year.  It may be a few years and that's okay.  

It's not a burden.

I'm alright with this exodus.  I'm alright with not making the Horse Market events, Interrogaytions, taking a break from online dating / fucking and I also worked my last caregiving shift with my client.

Almost  30 years I've worked taking care of various families.  Now it is time to take care of my own.

This is not a sacrifice.  This is not a tough decision where I'm giving up something I am really passionate about to take care of the one I love.

It is more of a breaking point of a built up need for change.  

I am 54 years old.  

Twenty nine years of bending, lifting and fitting myself into tiny, awkward spaces has caught up with my body.  The only person I am going to do that for is my husband (Fortunately he is not that bad off) and my father when I visit or he visits.

As for hook ups, play sessions, and even this blog:

The whole hook up game has gotten old.  There are a very selected few that are worthy of my precious time.  I am sure they know who they are.

Two of those regulars I am giving a special shout out to: LB and Logan.

LB even though we don't hang out and chat with each other on a regular basis, I feel a closeness to him. We have a chemistry that is like no other sexually. When we fuck, we fuck like crazy and the beautiful thing about him is he see me as human.  Not some kind of fantasy.  

Logan: What can I say that hasn't already been said before? 

Logan is a friend.  He reaches beyond contact or booty call.  He messages me and checks up on me regularly.  Though we don't play much these days, it is always uplifting getting a message from him.

As for prospects: There are a few prospects that I have been in contact with. I am still open to getting to meet up and getting to know them as long as they understand that sex, BDSM, and kink is not my main agenda when connecting.  

So where does this leave the blog?

Writing has always been my outlet.  It has always been my therapy.  I doubt that will change.  Maybe the format might shift a little.  Maybe the entries may become more introspective opposed to prurient in nature, but I believe that as long as I have the resource and ability to do so, I shall.

This time may give me the opportunity to catch up on some of the experiences I have yet to share about. Besides, there are plenty of retroactive experiences that are all part of THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF. 

So the short of it: Who knows what anything looks like right now.  I guess we will see along the way.

WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT

 LINK: THE EXODUS

              June 22, 2025

                         Sunday

I won't say that it has been awhile since I've hooked up with someone.  It has been fairly recent.  

There was The Nurse that I bred earlier this month. There were a few guys that I sucked off and swallowed  their loads.  I just haven't gotten around to writing about them.  Most recently there is my time at the place with the fuck van.

It is usually so rare that I would go there.  That environment is usually one of the most uninviting places for Black men I have been to.  They simply don't like us.  There is no pussy footing around that topic.  One of the main reasons I stay away from that place is how they go out of their way to avoid us.  

I get it.

We all have our preferences.  But the tribalism and exclusivity reeks there.

Usually.

I will stress the word "usually" to be fair.

My last time there was an astonishingly "so-so"exception.  

 

I bred this hot Latino cum dump, got sucked off while I sucked off this other guy.  Altogether it was pretty eventful for that place.  The desire to "look" just hasn't been there, however.

I go through these times when I wonder if my tools are even working properly as I can go weeks without sex or even masturbating.  What I realize is that life consumes a lot of my playtime.  Taking care of Boss's needs, dealing with my dad's needs and the pressures and demands of a specific family member that feels like I need to be more involved in helping take care of my father even though he is approximately four hundred and twenty four miles away from me is a lot.  

I'm not complaining.  But I am saying I told this person that keeping him in Southern California and moving there was not going to be easy for anyone of us.  

Although painted like the deadbeat son, I know I am doing my best.  The additional six thousand miles that I put on my car from January to now reminds me of that.

Again, I don't mind doing what needs to be done.  But being berated when I don't jump to every whim has gotten old and it is pushing me away from this person.

  

There was a time that I would bend over backwards  to make the peace. I just didn't want to waken the beast.  I would make whatever sacrifices needed to be made to try not to make this person angry. 

Now I am over it.  You want to act a fool, act a fool by your own damn self.  I will not reward anyone with attention for their negative behavior.  

Something this person never expected coming from me:  When this person decided to go off on me on the day my husband was in the hospital, knowing that I was dealing with a lot, I interrupted this person  and told them, "I am disengaging in this conversation now," and hung up.

I am leaning to set my boundaries.  

Yes this person was livid. 

That's not my problem.

Respect my boundaries and there would be no reason to be livid.

I'm sure what has been going on is affecting my mood for play time as well.

That is fine also.

There is a time for every thing and when the time comes, it will come.  

PRETTY MUCH

LINK:  THE EXODUS

June 29, 2025

Sunday

It's Sunday morning.  Sunday: my day of rest and

writing.  I have my dad with me this week.  This is his first visit since his change in his health.  Needless to say it has been busy.  

I have taken this time to add to my journal.  Days with my dad, I get writing in whenever possible.  It may be my only outlet for hours.  Because of the nature of the needs of my father as well as Boss that is having his share of physical difficulties, I will write whenever I have time.  Even if it means finishing this entry one sentence every other hour.

This time has allowed somewhat of a relief from the addiction of social media which isn't really all that social to begin with.

The last few days have been peaceful from the doomscrolling.  Though it is important to know what is going on (every day seems to lie something new, often worthy of the term doomscrolling) the psychological break is well needed.

I haven't even checked my Telegram in a while. I still have some video links and articles to read that Logan has sent me.  I will definitely get to them. Most likely later than sooner but I will do my best to get to them.

I just haven't had the time to get involved.  With the exception of Logan and one other, I just haven't had much incentive to get involved in the distraction.

I received messages on Scruff a few days ago.

One of the guys sent me a message wanting to hook up.

"Right now I have some things going on that will make me unavailable for getting together."

His response, "How so?"

None of his fucking business, how so! 

This is not elementary school.  I don't need a hall pass to clear why I'm not going to do something.  I'm just not.

I didn't even respond to him.

After two days of not hearing from me, he responded with, "Lame," and apparently blocked me.  

Good. 

I don't like sticking my dick in assholes anyway.  Give me an asshole but do away with the assholes.

Another guy I've been chatting with seems nice enough I guess.  After a few days of not hearing from me, he messaged me.  

"Guess you're ghosting me now."

I replied, "No I'm not ghosting you.  My dad is visiting and he requires a lot of my attention."

I continued,"I'm going to be honest. I have a lot going on right now. The last thing I’m worried about is ass right now.  A friend would be great.  A mutual support, fantastic!  Friends that occasionally play with each other, Yes!  But empty sex?  No.

I'm not looking for a boyfriend.  I have a wonderful husband who understands I enjoy meeting others occasionally.  But I'm pretty much done with sex without some kind of connection."

There.

I said it out loud.  

I'm pretty much done with empty hook ups.  So what happens when the moon is full and I turn into a hairy slut wolf looking for a Bukkakke Cumshake?

Key phrase: Pretty much.

EXIT STAGE LEFT

 LINK: THE EXODUS

Exit stage left.  

The credit card I use to book my hotels for hook ups have been locked in the strong box.  I'm erasing all of the messages on my Sniffies account.  I will keep the account.  I just won't be using it for quite some time.  Sniffies, Scruff, and X are all on hold indefinitely.

Indefinitely:

I had to look that one up as I was unsure if indefinitely refers to fo eva, fo eva, eva, fo eva, eva?  Or just for an unspecified time.

Anyway, it will be a while.

The social I'm rocking with for now is Recon.  I wouldn't mind getting into my Blue Sky account. Since getting my new device, I haven't been able to get into Blue Sky.  The only real reason for me to have that account is to get in contact with a few mutuals online.

As of now I am focussing on getting my debt payed off so that I can have some fun time in the future.  When I hit a certain ceiling, I cut it off until I get it paid down.  Then, I return to spending.  This method helps me to stay balanced and not get over my head with debt.  I've been there before and do not plan on going there again.

As for hook ups,  they will most likely be cut considerably taking that I won't be using my funds for hosting.  Since I am taking a break from the hook up sites (with an occasional exception of Recon), that will cut my action down considerably.

I have mentioned in a previous entry; This year has been one of the busiest years I've probably ever had.  Daddy has been a total slut! At least to my baseline behavioral chart.

But for me, it is not about quantity, it's about the quality of our play.  Yeah, it is sort of fun seeing that a guy is five hundred feet away from you and you can just walk over and stick it in.  But there is something about building chemistry that makes the play that much more powerful.

I've been sticking it into these dudes and really haven't gotten much out of it other than distraction.  Yeah it has been a great distraction from dealing with all the issues going on right now.  But I don't need distraction.  I need connection.  Connection is what makes the magic happen.

So.  If I go back to playing with one guy once every six months or more, I'm okay with that.

There are always the regulars that I will occasionally break the rules for:

LB

LOGAN ARROW

BOY G

PAIN PIG

PUP SCOOBY 

And I also have my bate boys that love to video chat, message and phone bate with me.  There is also my own personal play toy: Me.  

Although I don't get the alone time that I used to, I can find my special spots to ride a bate good enough to self satisfy.  Remember I'm an unofficial Bator as well.  I have my methods to keep me entertained.

What a perfect opportunity to take time during my break to catch up on some writing.

THE EXODUS

Link: THE EXODUS

September 20, 2023

Out of the Four Milestones from my journey, The Exodus remains the least written about.

A lot of that has to do with the fact that there is no specific action.  

I never packed my bags up and said,"I'm out of here."

It is much easier to talk about THE SCARS, as I can illustrate specifics that lead to my Exodus. 

I can point to many of my first times in THE INITIATION.

Many of the experiences including some of the scars; as well as learning what make me and others tick continues to shape THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF.

But the Exodus itself is tricky because even though I've pretty much gotten out of the leather scene / community, the play remained a part of my sexual make up. 

 I've been writing a bit more lately. 

 I'll probably be posting a bit more frequently as well. I just don't know yet. 

As of today 9/20/23, I still have 108 drafts in my computer files that I had once posted on the previous blog I lost. Some of those writings  aren't really relevant to me now some are; so I am slowly going through them and picking the gems I will post as I go. But life goes on so I will get to some as it hits me. 

I'm sure that as I process all that is going on as of late, I will be posting a lot of what is going on in my head that really has nothing to do with my sexuality but just life in general.

To keep it short, my father has taken ill. He is currently in the hospital. 

To divert from my usual self stimming behavior of pacing a hole in the rug, I am focusing my nervous energy into other soothing behaviors that are a little more productive. 

Believe it or not, cleaning helps me relax a great deal. And of course writing. Pacing, though it is a behavior that just happens,(I often don't even realize I'm doing it until my partner brings it to my attention) doesn't really help me relax because in the process I am still obsessing over the issue that is on my mind.  The other practices have been better at helping me not to focus so much on what's going on even if I am sometimes writing about what's on my mind.

You may be wondering what this has to do with The Exodus. 

Well for starters, It is during this time I am stepping further and further away from social media. X, Insta, and all the other sites I'm just having less time for them. Yeah I poke my head in every now and then but I'm just not feeling them. This is my break from them for awhile. 

Even though this blog can be considered social media, it has a totally different vibe than the other platforms that basically feeds their viewers with a lot of noise.  The last thing I need right now is noise.

There really isn't much more for me to touch on for now but I'm sure this is not the last of what I have to share.

THE FOUR MILESTONES

An original post from my previous blog.

Link: THE INTITIATION, THE SCARS, THE EXODUS,

         THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

My journal (or shall I say journey) is just as much a great pleasure as it is complicated.  It is a pleasure in that I get to express myself whole heartedly.  There are no holds barred with this journal.

Where it gets complicated (most likely for the reader) is the breaking from the usual format of blogging.  This especially rings true for the breaking from the usual format of writing a journal, as this is a journey more than anything else.

This is a journey unlike most journals or blogs. 

There is usually a chronological order of events that leads to a big picture in the realm of things.

 

However in my world, I may post about something going on in my life currently one day; and the next day post about something I did or experienced fifteen to twenty years ago.  It is all relevant to the four key milestones in my BDSM walk. 

THE INITIATION

Chronicles the beginning.  It is actually a few beginnings.  It is that fateful night at the bar when I went home with the man that exposed me to my very first BDSM experience.   It was a friend that told me about and convinced me to get involved with a fraternity of leather men that connected me with the leather community.  It was and is many gateways and opened doors that I walked into to get to where I am today.  It was the leather community welcoming me in with open arms.

THE SCARS 

Are part of facing who I was and is and how I'm really perceived by some members of this  community.  It is me being one of the few Black faces among an entire tribe of White faces.  The scars are some of the fucked up experiences I've had and the stupid mistakes I've made in my arrogance and pride.  The Scars are what brought me initially to:

THE EXODUS

This chronicles my decision to walk away from the leather community, actually from the gay community altogether. It was my decision and a bit of the reason why I removed myself from hook up apps, stopped cruising and got out of BDSM play altogether.  The Exodus and The Scars play hand in hand.  The Scars are what happened and the marks it left on me psychologically and emotionally.  The Exodus was the departing from it all and life back in the vanilla world.

THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

Is a combination of all three.  It all ties together with the making of my persona.  The making is the actually play.  It is the development of Daddy.  It's me coming out from exile.  It's the reconciliation of who I was, who I am now and who I chose to be.

As someone in another life; I am familiar with blogging and the trap of trying to make sure not to offend one group or another. 

"Should I write this? Or should I find a different way to express myself?"

This is what Mark constantly battles with. 

Daddy just writes it.

As much As Daddy appreciates the love and the comments, (in which I do) Daddy gives not a flying fuck about the consequences of backlash.  He cares less about it because he's lived it.  He knows what it is like to be angry and smile anyway; because his anger as a Black man is considered a threat to those who are too sensitive to take a tap; all the while having punches thrown at him.

Daddy tells the ugly truth about how the sausage is really made in the Wonderful World of Gaybelieve. But Daddy also gives props where props are due. 

As I continue to age like a fairly fine wine, Daddy is reconciling with Mark and the two are slowly morphing as one; making Daddy the pilot of this flight.

Does this mean I'm going to walk into work in my leather outfit and request people start calling me "Sir" or "Daddy?" 

No.  

It does mean that I am coming more into the realization that being respected really only happens when I respect myself and stop settling for anything less than the best from my peers.  Its standing up and having my voice heard regardless if one refuses to listen.  It is expecting the same level of respect that I give to to others. 

These are my four milestones.  As I continue to write, I will tag each post according to each milestone.  Some may have one or more milestones. Some may not have any of these tags.  These tags are really there to give a bit of order to things as I will often drift from past to current and visa versa.

So sit tight.  I have a journey to share.