A young man at the age of 33 was walking down the street in full Leather uniform during Folsom Street Fair.
The clunking of his boots, the way he stepped, the clanging of the buckles on his kink outfit and the way he worked the crowd displayed a great sense of sexual confidence, virility and prowess.
He walked through the crowd as if it belonged to him. And even though it was just his second time at this fair, he knew he was at home. Flirting eyes cruised him as he return the salutation.
As he continued to strut down Folsom, he noticed a different set of eyes on him.
An older White man was looking at this young gentleman. This man turned to his buddy that was taking studio portraits for the crowd and with the biggest grin nodded to the photographer. It was within seconds that this older White man ran as fast as he could to flag this young Black gentleman down.
He finally caught up to him and complimented how handsome he was and that he wanted to get some photographs with him. The young man kindly declined but the the older gentleman would not stop pushing for just a few pictures.
The man shared about his website that chronicled his D/s relationship with his boy and gave him a card with a link to his site. He talked about how he loved men of color especially men with his richer skin tone. He mentioned how much he would be honored to get a few photos with him.
The young guy was a little hesitant and really not comfortable with it; but after being begged and coaxed he finally said yes. So he signed the model release granting the photographer the rights to use the photos and began his posing.
As he was being posed with this older gentleman, he was asked to take off his Muir cap.
He didn’t mind the request. However, he was curious why the other guy kept his on and he was requested to take his off.
“It’s just for the effect.” The photographer said.
For the next pose, the photographer directed the young man to get on one knee with his hands place on the other one while the White guy towered next to him.
“This pose illustrates me in a totally submissive position.”
“That’s because I am a Dominant figure,” The guy replied.
“Well I’m definitely not a submissive,” the young guy responded back.
“If I pose in this stance I would at least like to be able to have you pose for me in the same stance I did for you.”
The older guy kind of laughed and told the young Black man that he was a well known Dominant in the community and that it wouldn’t be good for his image.
The older guy just kept on smiling in his friendly voice and kindly coaxed him once more into posing into various submissive styles. After the session was done, The young guy asked if he would receive at least one of the images for posing and signing the release.
The photographer said, “Sure, for $10 you can get….. for $25 you get……”
“Damn! Not even one free shot! Oh, okay.”
Being low on funds, the young Black guy kindly declined. He really didn’t feel it would be worth buying something that he didn’t feel comfortable doing in the first place. He figured that the man he posed with would most likely post them on his website anyway.
He skimmed through the chronicles of the relationship of the old guy (Master) and his partner (boy) who was Black.
As he continued through the website he noticed a reoccurring theme: Dozens of pictures of him with either his “boy” or other men of color in similar submissive poses.
Going through his website really started to turn this young man’s stomach.
There is nothing wrong with being submissive.
There is nothing wrong with a person of color being submissive to a White person (In the context of sex / BDSM).
But there was just something about that website, the experience he had with this guy and a long history of how people of color are portrayed and even expected to be in the presence of White people that made his stomach turn.
And to think that his image would be seen by thousands maybe even millions; It was, and is the thought that those few poses just added to that avalanche of White supremacy / Black inferiority that plagues social media and everyday life as we know it.
Today that man is much older. I can only let others decide if they see me as wiser. But one thing is for sure. Life’s lessons has taught me to bow down to no one especially those who are not willing to meet me halfway. This is about much more than a set of pictures. It is a reflection of what people expect from others and one’s self awareness and self respect to say, “no” even at the risk of stepping on some toes. I have and continue to find myself in situations where I am constantly tested in my loyalty to my convictions and beliefs.
Every time I just smile and bite my tongue when someone tells an off color joke or an underlining racist statement I have added to this avalanche. Every time I comply to something that explicitly makes me uncomfortable for the sake of the enjoyment and entertainment for others; I have added to this avalanche. Every time I feel unsexy or If I feel I don’t deserve to be seen as sexy because my body doesn’t fit the structure or color of the status quo, I am adding to that avalanche. Every time I ask and plead to be part of what I think “the cool crowd” is, opposed to making my own cool crowd of men who look like me; I have added to that avalanche. And whenever I am asked to portray myself in a light contrary to what I stand for as a proud Black man and I actually give into it, I have added to this avalanche of White supremacy / Black inferiority.
So yes my unequivocal decision to bow to no one will ruffle feathers. And many may get offended by what is expressed because they are so used to how the system of things have always worked in their favor. There may even be a few that may be squirming in their seats now as they read this. And I’m fine with that. Daddy Scruff the blog is MY journal. It documents past and present. My sexual escapades as well as my scars and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I am glad you re-posted this one. It still shocks me. And saddens me...
ReplyDeleteYes. That is the way of the world. I appreciate you taking the time to read and share.
DeleteI am sorry this happened to you. I wish more people would communicate, obtain informed consent, and negotiate from a place of honor and equity.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of complicated thoughts about race in the BDSM sphere. The BDSM world, and the fact of race as a factor and race play as an act, is brand new for me. It's something that I've been exploring, both in the sense of understanding how I want to interact with it in my own sex life, and in the sense of working through my own feelings around it with conversation and writing. My online profiles, and my persona as I walk through a place like a sex party or a bath house, tends to draw guys who want a strong, aggressive, dominant partner - and guys ask me for a lot of extreme edgy stuff.
I'd value your thoughts on how race PLAY, as a BDSM form, engages with and comments on racism in society. I have really fraught emotions around it. Writing, and asking these questions, is how I'm working through my feelings. In one sense, I feel like it can play the role that a lot of other edgy BDSM play can - allowing us to explore the dangerous, the taboo, and the forbidden, and work with the erotic energy inherent in it, within the safe container of a consensual and negotiated experience. Then, my mood shifts, and I find myself thinking, what the F*CK am I doing? this has got to be wrong.
I think that the main thrust of this comment, is that I don't want to be That Guy, the one who manipulated you and took photos of you and didn't engage with you in a spirit of fairness and honesty. I don't want people to look at my blog, and think I'm him. I've been acting and writing in a way that I feel makes clear that it's a consensual, complicated, difficult subject - and I want to know how it reads from your perspective as another dominant BDSM player. I know that some of the stuff that I do, some guys will look at and be genuinely disgusted - some of it is pretty extreme, content-wise - but I don't ever want somebody to get that creepy feeling looking at my work. I don't want to be the cause of somebody's scars.
First of all, I appreciate your response. I have had the pleasure of enjoying your blog for awhile now. As intense as your play gets the one thing I do see in your play is respect for you sub's boundaries. I love how not only verbal you are with your boys but also how you communicate with them as a check in. There is a vast difference between pushing someone's boundaries and manipulating someone. I'll give you a perfect example:
DeletePushing one's boundaries
You have negotiated with you boy his likes and dislikes. What his boundaries are and what his hard limits are. Let's say one of the things he is not keen in is spanking. He has said that is not something he is into or enjoy. That is a boundary for him. You love spanking And would love to find a way to incorporate it into play. You understand that it is a boundary because he's stated how he feels about. (It is not a hard limit because he never specifically said,"No spanking.")
What I would do in that situation is get is get him face down on the bed, limit all distractions Most likely have him blindfolded and start to caress his back side getting him in a sexy mood and slowly tap his butt every now and then. Frequently increasing interval and intensity. It is at that point I will check to see where he's at. if he can handle more all is good. If he's not feeling it go on to the next task. Most of the time the sub is amazed that they are getting the buns turned red and liking it. Boundary pushed.
Manipulation is when you are trying to get someone to do something like coaxing them to take photos they know they don't want to take but you insist until they finally give in.
See with pushing one's boundary you were at some point able to get them to relax and enjoy what they thought they wouldn't. Manipulation in my opinion is coaxing someone to do something they never felt comfortable doing at any point.
Boundary pushing allows the sub to grow in their experiences. Manipulation is for one's own benefit. short version being. I don't see anything that would be That Guy in your play.
One more topic I would like to add; It is okay to experiment and try things out even if they seem taboo. Try it if you want. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable afterward I would suggest putting that under your hard limits. We often talk about the sub's boundaries but it is important to know and exercise ours as well.
DeleteI'm more of a soft kind of guy. Yeah I like calling guys cocksuckers and whatnot. But calling guys the F word has always been a bit cringe worthy for me. There was one sub that really and I mean really got off on being degraded and called that name. He never pushed it but I figured I'd try it out. I did end up tapping into that dominant energy it was quite empowering for the moment but later left me feeling, "What the hell did I do?" So I guess it's okay to experiment just know what your boundaries are and set them.