LINKS: boy N
Originally posted on my previous blog
May 22, 2022
I had a suspicion when boy N texted he was unavailable, that he had second thoughts about continuing with our arrangement. I didn't say anything I just waited for him to text whenever he had time.
May 23, 2022
boy N texted, "Hello Sir."
"Hello how you. What are you up," I responded.
"Sir! I was masturbating, then I fell asleep. How's everything in Daddy's world?"
I responded,"I would like to speak with you on the phone. When will you be available?"
"I'm available now, Sir."
I was disappointed that he had masturbated taking that we had roughly arranged to having our calls near the beginning of each week.
A part of me felt like this was his way of testing me or maybe even letting me know that he's going to touch himself anytime he feels like it. There was also the reality that boy N is a Bator. This is just what he does. It might not have even entered his mind what he did and since we never made any solid commitments to any type of dynamic, all is open.
We chatted for awhile and I shared with him how I felt.
"What I would like to do is make Mondays the days we get the opportunity to talk and if you have other arrangements that's fine. But I would like to make Mondays a day reserved for me as far as not touching yourself until I've said it's okay."
There was a very long pause.
I asked, "What are you thinking?"
"I'm just thinking through my days and wondering if this is going to be difficult for me."
I asked,"What do you think would make it difficult?"
I already knew the answer.
"Well, I'm not used to answering to anybody," he replied.
"Ahh! Bingo!" I said.
"And I'm not used to restraining myself if I want to jerk off," he replied somewhat defensively.
There was another pause of dead silence between us.
"So, that's what I'm thinking."
As we came to a close, he agreed to call or text me in the following days regarding his decision on whether he was willing to go along with the arrangement or not.
June 3, 2022
I checked my text messages. I received a message yesterday from him. After giving what we talked about some thought, he decided to discontinue training. He thanked me for our time together and my willingness to train him.
I must say I am not surprised. I'm not even disappointed.
Since getting back into the groove of playing, I have a different perspective. I don't pounder or wonder what went wrong, what I possibly did or didn't do, or try to convince anyone why they should play or continue to play with me. I simply let be what will be.
I will say this. I enjoyed talking with him.
Even though it didn't work with us in a D/s dynamic I would love to continue to chat with him and get to know him as a friend. But at the end of the day that too is up to him. I am here to open the door. It is up to the other party / parties to walk through.
Looking at The Four Milestones one would probably see this as part of THE SCARS However I see it as THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF. This was in no way a negative experience. It was one man coming to the realization that being submissive is not for him.
Also I am fully aware that this is an online dynamic. We are on opposite sides of the country. I get that inclination to commit to any type of arrangement is very low if not committed in some type of partnership.
For me this is all part of The Making of who Daddy Scruff is, who I strive to be and determination to get there. I am learning the importance of being clear and concise of what my expectations are in play. And not settling for anything less even if it means losing a few play partners in the interim.
As read above, this took place back in 2022. There was a period when boy N and I didn't chat for awhile. I can't remember if it was weeks or months. I somehow lost our messages to properly determine the gap. It is totally possible I erased them in one of my purging sprees. But we have since started talking again. I learned for him, that his desire to be "boyish" is different from being submissive; a concept that as a versatile man understand to a degree. But as a Dominant still trying to wrap my head around.
I wanted to post this now to somewhat reintroduce him to my readers as he has made quite an impact recently with a heart to heart conversation we had. It is one thing for someone to wish you well and offer their sympathy / empathy of challenges that I am going through. It is a whole different level for someone to listen to what you are saying, share their similar experiences and resonate on a special level.
I am totally grateful for the time he spent talking with me the other day.
No comments:
Post a Comment