I am just sad right now.
Depressed but not quite depression.
Anxious but not quite anxiety.
I was supposed to have been in Southern California yesterday. But a major distraction with Boss thwarted that plan. I'm not upset at him about it. There are just some needs that require immediate attention. It just is what it is. I do know the longer things are put off, the deeper the anxiety grows.
I just want to get there as soon as I can so I can get the hell out. My sister and I have a lot to do over the next few days. I am just not ready for Southern Cali. Not to yuck anyone's yum but for me, it does nothing. It never has. Now, the dread is intensified with all the drama that has gone down in recent months.
I just want this nightmare to be over. Because, that is what it feels like; a surreal nightmare in which I would have never imagined my father in the mental state that he's in now. I wish I could wake the fuck up and have my Dad back. But I am already awake. And I don't see his state changing anytime soon.
