April 1, 2024
Monday
Today, I took down my tent from a one-day camping trip about 30 miles from home. The idea was mainly to test the new tent and mattress I purchased for my upcoming Gear Up Weekend in July.
As I was leaving, I decided that since I was in the area, I would give a former client I used to work for a call.
I worked for years assisting people with disabilities as well as the aging population with their activities of daily living. Sometimes, I would serve as companionship for individuals.
This client, Mr. X, often enjoyed getting out and riding his bike for a few hours. Every Tuesday and Friday, we would ride up to 6 to 7 miles. Despite his age and certain physical limitations, Mr. X was very active and looked forward to our riding days. Honestly, I was just as eager for Tuesdays and Fridays as well. It is not every day that one gets to get paid to get fresh air, exercise, and shoot the shit.
Although there was an age difference between us, we genuinely enjoyed each other's company. Even when I eventually left the company, we would keep in contact and occasionally ride. We had grown from more than just a client/worker relationship. Mr. X, his wife, and family and I became friends.
After the pandemic in 2020, we fell out of contact, with an occasional call here or there.
Boss would often ask if I heard from Mr. X, and I would reply no.
“Why don't you give him a call.” Boss would continue to prompt.
“If he wants to call me, he has my number.”
“I've called him numerous times; he never calls me.”
Looking back, I realize just how petty that way of thinking is.
“Regardless of who calls who, you guys are friends. Get in contact with him.”
Boss can be nagging at times. But Damn! he can be so right in his reason.
I gave him a call. We chatted. He told me he no longer goes out on the trail as his mobility is no longer like it used to be. I also noticed that he forgot a lot of things as I was talking to him about our past rides.
Often, Boss would be in the background of our phone conversations, nudging me to ask him for the chance to visit.
“I don't want to bother him. He sounds exhausted.”
“If you don't, you may never visit because this just may be the new normal for him now,
I decided not to pursue it.
About three months have gone by, and today, I decided since I was in the area, I would give him a call.
I made the call. His daughter picked up the phone and let him know that I was waiting.
After about 20 seconds of fumbling the phone. I was treated with, “Hello?”
“Hi, Mr. X, how are you?”
“Oh Dennis, I'm not too good. But it is so good to hear your voice.”
“Jerry? It’s Mark. I used to go bike riding with you.” I replied.
“Oh yes, Dennis, I remember you.”
About halfway through our conversation, he finally started calling me by my name.
There were long pauses, and he apologized for not being able to speak for long periods, so I wished him well and got off the phone.
I decided I wanted to see him. Yeah, he may be weak, he may be demented, but I wanted to see him. I rang the doorbell. No answer. I rang again. Still no answer. I left a card for him and flowers for his wife on the porch.
As I drove home, I felt the tears welding up. There are so many thoughts of what used to be that is no longer. Life in general, how our bodies grow older, and even in months, how shocking it can be to see someone in a different light than you've seen them before.
I know people who knew me back in my 30s see me now and are amazed at how much weight I have gained or how gray my hair is now, and I'm just like, "Yep. That's life!"
But to see it in those your circle is always an eye-opener.
The one thing that gets me the most is all the time I spent making silly rationalizations or excuses for not being more active in my friends' lives as time passed.
I have people I haven't talked to in ages because of silly controversies, not wanting to impose, or just life in general. All the while, the clock keeps ticking.
It is rare that I give out admonishments, but do not put off calling or visiting someone when it's on your heart. Do it.
Of all the sins, the sin of omission is their worst feeling. I could be guilty as sin itself from something I did. But nothing eats at me more than the sin of omission: knowing what I should have done and not done it. And even worse is when Things are so far gone, or it is too late. Don't wait until it's too late.
