Every morning at some point I would greet Boss with, "Good morning."
He would reply back with, "Good morning Honey."
I'd follow up with asking if he wanted breakfast. Usually hot chocolate with either a piece of toast or some kind of pastry would be his choice.
The last few weeks I'd wake up and start my routine. It is a little different than before but not by much. It is much better if I wake up to a the black sheet covering the window so that the morning light doesn't slap me with the reality that morning is here. I don't want to get out of bed. I really don't want to do anything but I make myself get out of bed. Once I fight the dread of reality, I brush my teeth.
I do a few other things that are personal and then I call out,"Good morning Boss!"
I call out but don't get a response nor do I expect one.
I no longer wait for,"Good morning Honey," because Boss is gone.
My baby is gone.
The one man that I loved deeply and dearly. The one man that I know without a doubt loved me unconditionally is gone.
It has been 23 wonderful years. We had our ups and downs. Good, bad and everything in between. But at the end of the day we loved the fuck out of each other.
It hurts everyday.
EVERY FUCKING DAY!
EVERY FUCKING DAY!
EVERY FUCKING DAY!
But he is at peace.
Every morning there are a few things I do to get my day started. One of those things I do is greet him with, "Good morning Boss!"
Maybe I will chat a bit about what I got going on for the day or maybe I will just tell him, "good morning."
Just something to feel like he's still with me.
No. I don't want any signs.
No flickering lights. No objects dropping on the ground. Save the parlor tricks for someone else.
I'm good with just greeting my one and true love.
I love you and miss you so much. It hurts so bad but your suffering is no more.
I will always love you. I will always cherish you.