MANOPAUSE

 

By the time I decide to grow a full beard, the hair on my head will most likely be totally white.

Believe it or not, I am still on my clean shaven journey. This is actually stubble.  

The cool part of going “clean shaven” is giving leeway for a little growth and still style with various looks without major work and clean up.  I do miss Sasquatch sometimes. But I also like the smooth baby's butt look as well. 

Speaking of change, I’ve come to the conclusion: I’m going through Manopause. Not menopause. Manopause. 

Bitch! I’m changing!

My hair’s turning white.  My beard is turning white. I’m having delayed orgasms.  When I do cum, the flow isn’t as heavy nor does it have that oomph like it did, hell, a month ago. It’s getting a little harder to hold my pee. I mean I am running with one second to spare.

But I’m still enjoying my fifties. 

Laugh if you wish. But the hardest part for me is not my bladder emergencies.  It’s not the change in my orgasms.  It’s not the fact that anon sex just won’t hit the same anymore for me. ( I know I’m a hardcore demisexual. Always have been and even more as I get older.)

It’s this gray hair. 

Yep.

This gray hair is fucking with me. 

Like those white dudes who are balding. They will take their last strand of hair and wrap it around their entire head to save the illusion.

My situation may seem a little less extreme as all I really need to do is dye it.  But Fuck!  I know the truth!  I don't know what is worse: Covering up the aging process, knowing the fraudulence or witnessing the deterioration of what's left of youth that is pretty much on the end of its life support. 

I'm not quite ready to pull the plug yet. There are some natural remedies I am going to try. Ahh fuck it! I'm turning gray bitch! It's just going to happen.

My mother came over yesterday and was like,"Boy! (No matter how old I get, I will always be 'boy' to her.)  Those

gray hairs are showing!" 

"Thanks Mom!" I say sarcastically.

"How old are you now? 54?"

"Yes, Mom." rolling my eyes with all the energy left in my slowly decaying body.

"Yeah. You are definitely getting up there!"

"Again. Thank you!"

As if she didn't get the hint the first time.

The unique thing is getting older doesn't really freak me out.  White hair? Well, that is another subject.

DAYS OF THE LEVEE

 LINK: THE INITIATION

            THE PHONE LINE

            MY FIRST

   

March 8, 2022 

 As I was driving home from shopping, I drove past an old cruising spot.  By this time of day one could have looked down the street and easily seen at least six to seven cars parked by the sidewalk.

 Looking to the end of the road one would see a levee with at least two to three guys circling back and forth across it like vultures.

Today as I drove past, I saw not one car down that street; not one soul pacing the levee. 

I couldn't help but feel a bit melancholy as I drove past.  There was a time that I would at least drive to the end of the road for old time sake.

Today I figured,"What's the point?"

I just wanted to get home.  I was out running errands and was ready to relax. 

Inside my heart however, was this mixture of reminiscence of all the hot times I had; blended with great sadness of things just not being like it used to. 

Days of the levee were wild.  

My initiation into cruising the levee goes back to 1992.  I was 21 years old.  There was this phone line that charged an arm, leg and your first born a minute to engage in phone sex with other horny guys looking to get off.  Sometimes there would be the chance that both parties would be interested in meeting up.

My very first experience with another guy came from this chat line.  He was my first male experience.  He actually introduced me to cruising. 

One day after we got together we started talking about the whole gay scene which I had no clue about.  That's when he told me that later that night he was going to go cruising and asked if I wanted to come.  I heard of the term but wasn't familiar with it. I agreed and he picked me up later that night.

Although we hooked up a few times prior to this, I really didn't know much about this guy.  I must admit I was getting quite nervous when he kept driving and the location was getting more secluded and dark.  We finally got to the end of the road.

"What is this?"

"This is the spot where guys cruise.  Just over that levee are guys everywhere doing all kinds of stuff.  This my friend is the place to be,"  he said confidently.

"I don't see anybody out here."

He laughed,"That's because we're in the car and not up there."

He pointed to the gravel road leading up to the levee.

Just as he said that a guy walked across, slowed down and looked right into the car.  Another guy walked up and stopped as if he was waiting for us to get out of the car.  One by one guys started coming up from the other side.

The sight was quite unnerving for me. 

The guy that I refer to as My First saw that I was somewhat uncomfortable.  For some reason he thought getting me out of the car would make me feel more at ease.  As we walked toward the gravel road there were young guys, old guys, really cute guys and some not so great looking guys. 

There were a lot of really short shorts, tight jeans with obviously no underwear and guys in sweats with a lot dangling. 

My eyes were intrigued but I still didn't feel comfortable.  As we got up to the other side of the levee there was little to no light but I could definitely hear the voices and movement in the bushes and the scuffling of rocks.

That adventure lasted no longer than a few minutes as I asked My First if we could leave.  He was very accommodating and drove me home. 

My next experience with the levee would be years later in 1997 when out of curiosity if I could even find the place sparked my drive. 

By the following visit, I had my own transportation.  I also decided to check it out more during the beginning of sunset when there was plenty of light.  I felt much safer.  I still didn't do anything with anyone but this time I watched as guys were blowing each other.  

It really wasn't until 2001 when I blossomed sexually. 

2001 - 2012 was my peak. The levee's traffic started becoming less and less when I was starting to explore my sexuality.  But it was still popping enough to have some good times there.  Now its just a place for the unhoused to build there tents.  

After numerous sweeps and arrests along with an increase of police patrolling; the place changed.  

Ironically the cops don't patrol as much now that the cruising activity has seized.  But the homeless has basically turned that area into a tent city.

On one hand I am glad that the unhoused have a place they can dwell in a somewhat safe environment.  I just really missed the hot times that were had there and it is no longer a beautiful site with all the garbage around.  But like the saying goes nothing stays the same.  And so goes the days of the levee.

TODAY'S PICK: PUT YOUR FINGER HERE

 As I continue on my journey to train my hole, a post that has been suggested to read is by a blogger that goes simply by Somebody. 

PUT YOUR FINGER HERE is pretty much a tutorial on how to open one's hole for better access.

For me, I only tried it once. I believe for me doing it myself isn’t as effective as if I had someone to push those magical buttons for me.  But I will try it again when I have some alone time.  Maybe I'll put a message out on sniffies.  Looking for a someone to play with my butthole. Hey, I've posted crazier things.

I'm sure The Butt Clock is highly effective.  I just believe that for me, I need someone else to do it so I can just relax and focus on opening that Daddussy up.

But there you have it. PUT YOUR FINGER HERE by Someone from the blog GOING DEEPER (INSIDE STRANGE MEN)

A VISIT TO THE MESSY PAD

 June 9, 2025

       Monday

Chatting with my friend Logan, one would come to the conclusion that this country is burning to the ground.  And at this point I would not disagree.  

His latest entry on his blog had me quite concerned  for him.  He asked if I would like for him to hang out.  (He was in Berkeley at the time.) I agreed and said of course.  There was a little hesitation as I didn't want him to come out of his way.  But he was willing to make the trip. 

Reading his latest entry was pretty hard to digest.  From being treated like a tweaker by others due to his nervous energy, to the breakdown of his family dynamics.  Add the fact that the climate that we are in is not a great place for people who are neurodivergent, hell it's not a great place for about everyone! Needless to say there were a few red flags that I saw in his post that made me glad that he was coming to visit.

He mentioned that he was going to target to pick up some things.

"Back from Target."

"I'm going to jump in the shower and shave.  I'm a mess right now.  I should be over around 4:15pm or 4:30pm," I said.

He replied, "I should hit the shower then."

I wasn't quite sure how to take that.  But to be fair he probably didn't quite know how to take my statement either.  

It has been quite some time since we've played together and honestly I am okay with that. At this point it is almost assumed that our friendship has grown more platonic than anything.  But I did bring my bag of "stuff" just in case.  But before anything, I needed to talk to him about how he was feeling.

We needed to get into some context of that post regardless of what may have fallen on the agenda.

When I got to his room, before knocking on his door  I came up with a plan,"If he opens the door in his signature jockstrap then we will play but we still will have our discussion at some point.  But if he is clothed then I won't initiate any type of play. 

I knocked on the door.  He opened up.  He had no shirt on but he had his camouflage pants on.  I came in and we talked.  We chatted for a good while.  We both wanted to get out of the hotel room for a bit.  We drove around until I decided on what we were going to do.  I decided to stop by the pizza place by my apartment complex.  I ordered a chicken pesto pizza.  We brought it home so him, Boss and I would have dinner together.  It was good seeing him in what appeared to be a better mood than before.  

It sucks seeing someone you care about in a funk.  I'm glad that the last thing I saw before leaving was a smile and feeling his warm embrace. 

To Logan The place was a mess. sorry.

TODAY'S PICK: AURALISM

 Today's pick is a more recent entry of mine. AURALISM . 

Lately I have been listening to a lot of my videos without watching.  I would have my iPad in my portable tablet bag with my earphones on as I perform my chores. Or I would play the clips through my car stereo as I drove to my destinations. 

I  love videos and images. I just never wanted the focus of my blog to be about videos and pictures.  There is a plethora of blogs that I deeply enjoy to get the visual juices flowing.  I feel that writing is so underrated in the adult entertainment realm but I also know that I have lots of material; both writing as well as visuals  that I want to share, hence the occasional highlights of the Image  / Video of the Day.

I do plan on converting more videos to audio for my Auralism tag. Look for them soon.

IT WAS GOOD BUT

Link: THE NURSE

June 4, 2021

      Tuesday 

      5:53pm

I spent all day horny.  I spent a lot of time yesterday searching for a hook up.  Distracted from my laundry and cleaning chores, I meandered between my chores and searching for sex on Sniffies.

Although I actively searched, most of my time was spent with no luck finding anyone.

I finally went to the message board.  There I found a message on the bulletin.

It read something like,"Cum dump tonight.  Already wet with loads."

I knew exactly who this was.  I recognized this anonymous torso pic from before.  It is The Nurse.  

This would be my chance to feel what a loaded hole feels like.  I've felt a well jizzed hole at places like HORSE MARKET and INTERROGAYTION, but I have never taken place in a cum dump.  

Although I don't have a lot of experience, I am aware that cum dumps are different from gang bangs.  The donor usually arrive asynchronous from the other donors.  I was still hoping to possibly arrive while the bottom was being loaded up. 

There is something about being around other tops and / or watching others fucking, that gets my juices flowing. 

I sent a message via Sniffies but didn't receive a response.  I later sent a message via text, "Are you getting loaded now? I would love to be part of a group."

"I have lots of loads in there hehe.  Wanna stop by?"

"Fuck yeah!"

"It will take about 30 minutes," I continued.

"Okay."

I arrived in the parking lot and walked towards his place.  I didn't think to check my messages.  

He sent a text,"Have someone stopping by right now to breed me quick. Not sure if you are on your way but I don't have much time left free."

As I walked up to the door, there was a cute dark skinned Latino guy, maybe 5'7 or 5'8" with short wavy hair.  He was walking up the same time as me.  I went to knock on the door, but he just smiled at me and turned the knob and walked in.  We both paused to see if each were down for a third.  I gestured to him.  He soon dropped his pants.  This guy was instantly bricked up.  I felt my flaccid penis growing as I watched him slam into The Nurse.

As he was standing at the edge of the bed fucking, I got on the bed putting The Nurse in a spit roast position. 

After a few minutes, it was my turn to get him from behind.

I have fucked him a few times before.  I did notice when I put myself in him, it was much looser than the times before.  I noticed that neither the cute Latino nor I had to use any lube to start off.  Cute Latino went in full on, opening him up and giving me much easier access.  After a few minutes we switched off again putting the Cute Latino in the driver's seat while Nurse blew me. 

Cute Latino began to pound him hard.  He pumped and pumped until he spewed his seed deep in his guts.

After wiping off he got his clothes on and took off.  I Immediately stuck my dick in to feel how wet his walls were.  They were definitely flooded.  For some reason however, I didn't feel the sensation that I normally felt when I went in bare.  

I pumped him hard.  I slowed it down and took long strokes.  I then picked the pace back up.  I got him flat on his belly and pinned him down with the pressure of my body using mainly my hips to dig as deep as I could.  This sparked some sexy moaning on his part.  I plowed and plowed.  As I pumped, the cum began to ooze out of his hole down to his balls when I pulled out.  It was a hot sight to see. 

Back inside, I began to fuck him some more until the cum became a thick cream.

The scenario was definitely hot.  But the feeling wasn't as amazing as I was imagining it would be.  Even fucking him until his hole turned a frothy mess didn't seem to do very much.

I remember the first time I felt someone else's cum on my dick when I went in bare.  It was almost electrifying.  I could feel the sensation all through my body.  Every one is different.  I totally get that.  But I was expecting more sensation. 

The feeling when I fucked my husband raw; Amazing.

The feeling when I fucked LB raw; Amazing.

The feeling when I fucked Logan raw; Amazing.

And when I fucked boy G raw; Amazing.

It just didn't really hit the same with The Nurse.

Maybe it is the dynamics. 

Something that is common denominator for all four men is that they accept my play whether I am wrapped up or not.  And we have a great time regardless.  Although most of them that I mentioned would prefer bare, they would not just tolerate me going wrapped  but would have just as good of a time with me wrapped as they would Bareback.

I get it was a cum dump but I don't do Raw is Law.  I will do raw occasionally.  But not every single time.  And maybe this one experience was my realization that even though it was good, it doesn't come close to playing with those I am more connected to.

Maybe for me the idea of being a sperm donor to such an event sounds hotter than the actual experience is for me. 

As much as I have entertained scenarios like such in my mind, they aren't really what my make up is. That however, is not going to stop me from trying them regardless.  I'm sure.  But I believe I have a deeper understanding of my sexual make up.

MAN, NOT ALL OVER MY PILLOW!

 May 24, 2025

        Saturday

About 11:00am

I get on the Sniffies app and look around to see what was out there.  I receive a message from an anonymous profile.  

"Nice pics," he says.

"Thank you."

We message each other back and forth for some time.

Once it is made evident that there's an interest, I ask for us to trade face pics.

I am very adamant about having a face pic.  If you don't have a profile pic, at least have a pic ready for trade.  

I am not going to lie.  If I don't find the person physically attractive in some way shape or form it is most likely going to be a pass.  Trying to force attraction on something not there is disingenuous and it's just going to fuck with my erection anyway.

But, it goes beyond the physical.  

For safety reasons, I want to know what the person looks like.  I want to make sure that if any shit goes down, I have at least some type of identification in my Slut Files.

We exchanged pictures.  The picture would reveal a 27 year old Latino man, stocky build, with a thin beard.  His hair is covered with a beanie.  He has a second picture of his dick fully erect.  It's not large.  That is fine by me.  I am not a size queen.  I just want that fucker in my mouth.

"I look forward to tasting that hot load down my throat," I respond.

He warns, "It takes a long time for me to cum.  Most guys just give up after awhile."  

I assure him that I would be thrilled just to be on my knees servicing him.

He gave me the address to his home.  

Later around 1:00pm

I get to his place and ask to use the restroom.  As I am walking towards the restroom,  he is already taking his pants off.   As soon as I get out of the bathroom, I follow suit.  

He doesn't say much at all.  He occasionally smiles but our conversation is minimal.  

He's standing.  I go down to my knees and instantly begin sucking on his dick which is not quite semi hard yet.

He starts to stiffen as I continue. 

To get more comfortable, I spread my knees as wide as I can placing my knuckles on the ground so I can bob on his dick that is now getting harder.  After a few minutes we change positions with him sitting and me still on my knees just a different angle.  After a few minutes, my knees are bothering me so he gives me a couch pillow.

I am not a seasoned cocksucker but I have been told that I am good at it.  I am just unsure how long I will be able to last taking that he mentioned it takes him a long time to cum.  Fortunately he has a nice sized dick that is not so big it's a challenge and not so small it's not enjoyable.  

As I'm  getting into the groove of things, I decide to stroke my own cock.  Not satisfied stroking dry, I take his dick out of my mouth, spit on my hand for lube.

I take his shaft all the way down and hold it.

I  am actually hoping for a him to take the initiative and be more assertive.  He didn't take the hint until I grabbed his hands and placed them on my head.

"Mmmmm Hmmm," I mumbled and nodded giving him the green light to fuck my face.

By now I have collected a thick gob of spit that is partially running down my chin and hitting my chest.  He gives me a moment to give my hand a big lick.  I now have a good thick handful of slobber to lube my dick with.  I go down and start to lick his balls.  He spreads his legs and moans.  I continue to switch between his dick and balls.

Surprisingly, he cuts.  I hurry to catch the remaining spurts.  I can taste it as it hits my tongue.  I swallow as much as he has to offer.  

I'm now ready to bust also. 

I shoot my load not expecting much to come out as my flow has changed over the last few weeks.  But there was a lot.

"Oh no!" He yells.

I really did my best not to spill.

"Man! Not my pillow!"

I did apologize for the mess.  But damn! 

He knew something was going to come out, right? 

I guess sloppy head is okay but not a cummy pillow.

AURALISM

LINKS: AURALISM

              THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

              PAIN PIG

Auralism: Sexual arousal or excitement caused by sound. It can be a variation of many things. The sound of one's voice, a sexy playlist of music, breathing, moaning, or dirty talk. It could be highly sexual or not sexual at all.

I've always known that I was highly turned on by various sounds as well as erotic literature.  It is the education of this one word along with a drive from the grocery store that gave birth to this post.

It is not uncommon for me to play music, or some type of commentary in the car to keep me alert especially on days when I am tired from a long day of work and grocery shopping.

This one particular day I decided to play a video clip from one of my play sessions.  Because I was driving and unable to watch the video, I figured I would just listen to the audio through my car speaker. What I discovered was one of the most arousing trips from the grocery store I have ever encountered.

The clip is from an oral training I had with Pain Pig.  

It starts with me getting him on his knees and placing a spandex hood over his head cutting off his vision. Next I would test his deep throat abilities.  For Pain Pig, this is really not a training as he is very well equipped with taking deep long strokes.

My job is easy.  All I have to do is enjoy Domination of this guy.  He is hungry and really wants my cum.  I will give it to him but first he has to earn it. 

I let him know how good he is, but most of all I want him to tell me how good he is.

Without taking my cock out of his mouth I order him to say, "I'm a good cocksucker."

He mumbles and slurs the words as I go deeper down his throat.

"Keep saying it."

"I'm a good cockucker, I'm a good cock sucker." He slurs.

It is said that it is rude to talk with your mouth full.  My rules declares it damn near a requirement.

To hear someone challenge themselves to pronounce properly their sentences while having a dick pumped down their throat will never get old.  It goes beyond hearing the challenge.  

To feel the vibration of the receiver's voice on your dick is one of the most amazing feelings especially if he has a deep voice.  The vibration itself is a nut busting experience.

Pain Pig does more than just do as he is told.  He discovers and quickly picks up that I fucking love a sub to talk with his mouth full. He picks up and understands that  I love it when we talk dirty to each other. And he goes all in. 

Listen.

THE HATER BATOR

MAY 19, 2025

Monday 

About 7am

LINK: AN OPEN LETTER

As I was going through my blog posts and checking my comments, I notice I received a reply on one of my entries from an anonymous poster.

You wrote:

"*YAWN*. Just... embarrassing. To dudes in general. I cringe at this so-fucking-stereotypical FRUITCAKE HOMO display. From the stereotypical homo-sounding lisps and effeminate manners and all that... to the hairless-like-an-infant tweaker shaving mess yall got going on... just gross. Fuck dude, grow a few pairs, glue em on. Act like fucking normal men."

Well. 

Since you started it, I'm going to finish it.

You brought your freaky little ass to my blog.

I didn't put a gun to your head and tell you to come to my blog and jack yourself to oblivion only to get masturbator's guilt for doing so.  I also find it hard to believe that you happened to have stumbled on my blog by accident, especially seeing the number of times you visited in the history.

I was going to ignore your desperate cry for attention (most likely stemming from a lack of it from your own family members.) But  I figured why not entertain stupid for a short moment while I have some free time.

You mentioned how cringe it is for two men in general to be engaged in "Homo display," and yet you somehow found yourself with you Peter out being totally "disgusted" by what you came here to see.  That is special!

Oh, and thank you for pointing out our homo sounding lisps and effeminate mannerisms.  It is not something I work on displaying.  It just comes out naturally for me.  Sometimes I even Sashay!

And guess who comes to my blog for it?

I would give you a hint but since you don't have the balls to even have a profile name, I will have to call you Anon. 

To all my anon readers who either read in stealth mode because of your own personal situations, or just prefer to be low-key,  I got you. This is in no way a dig to you.  This goes out to my Hater Bators who shame and make fun of gay people in the day and put their pink panties on in the dark of night because they think by being hateful towards us will make the mainstream oblivious to who they really are.

News flash: 

It just reveals your own personal demons.

I was going to christen you The Horny Hater.  You know, "straight" men who come to gay porn sites to scoff at how gross two men butt fucking is; all the while, fantasizing about getting their backs blown by those same homosexuals.  Apply laughing track here.  

I wrestled and wrestled with two monikers. "The Horny Hater" or "The Hater Bator."

The Hater Bator won.  It just has a better flow in my opinion.

I hope if you do decide to try to step up again and poke your little chest out, you will at least use the new name bestowed upon you.  It is my gift to you. One fudge packer to another.

Clap back. 

I openly invite it.  

Please do.  

Just understand every time you do respond. 

I win.

Even if you come back with the hardest clap back. 

I win.

Every time you even visit my page (most likely under some guise.)

I win.

Why?

Because you prove just how rent free I live in your head. 

Like many Hip Hop poets have chanted throughout history, "You a fan!"

P.S.

Don't forget to erase your internet history and cache so that your wife doesn't find out you like dirty gay erotica and pictures.

Hugs and kisses

Mark A.K.A.

Your Daddy ❤️

BEADS FOR ZERO

 LINKS: ZERO

              THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

January 7, 2023

Two years have passed and there are still parts of play and as well as personal learning points that come up to write about the those two days I spent playing with Zero.  That happens pretty often with many of the guys I play with.  Since you don't get tired of hearing about it, I won't get tired of posting about it.  

These are the beads for Zero.

BACK AT THE HOTEL

LINK: LB

December 11, 2024

I sent a message out to LB letting him know that if he wanted to come by after the INTERROGAYTION, he was welcome.

“I will throw this out there.  If you would like to stop by Friday night for an encore, or for that matter, Saturday warm up, the invitation is open.  I will be leaving Sunday morning.  I will have time also before check out at 11am.  I know you’re going to be a busy inmate so I understand.  Just keep that in mind in case you may be open to it,” I messaged him.

“Open to it: yes!

Available for it: depends.

I would say Friday evening, post-event is very likely possible (I can usually last longer than the supply of tops), but let’s see how we BOTH feel afterwards on Friday,” he responded.

Friday, December 13, 2024

                     

The event is bangin’.  The atmosphere is filled with the sounds of guys wailing, grunting, metal chains clanging against the poles of swaying slings, and the sound of flesh violently clapping against more flesh.  The sights are just as erotic. 

Play time

I'm in rare form tonight.  I decide to use my prep tonight and go totally bare.  My main focus tonight is 100 percent fucking.  My goal is to test every hole that's receiving at this event.  I am pretty sure I fulfill that quest.  Even though the inmates are hooded both LB and I know when we are in contact with each other. 

After the Interrogaytion I run into LB.

"Are you up to coming over?"

"Sure!"

Around 12:30am

I wait for him as he gets his belongings.  The hotel is just about two blocks away so we hike there.

About 12:45am

We make it to the room and get more comfortable.  We take off our clothes and cuddle.  It doesn't take long for us to get aroused.  One would think that with all the dick he's had he would be sore by now. But he is ready for one more pounding.  I can't remember how much ass I got.  I know it is more than I've ever had in one night.  Surprisingly I am horny for more of LB.

There is a unique chemistry I have with that man that makes my craving insatiable for him.  

Tonight is a special milestone as this is my first time barebacking with him.  I did fuck him a bunch of times tonight bare.  It felt great.  But now he's not one of the many guys I've had a piece of.  Now it is just him and me.  One on one. 

We start with laying on the bed with kissing.  He kisses me starting at the lips.  Then he goes down until he reaches my crotch.  He begins to go down on me.  I would love to return the favor.  Somehow we end up in the 69 position.  From there we end up in various positions with me fucking him face down ass up, spread eagle, and on his side.

One of the best moments is when I have him on his back, legs over my shoulders and we have this intense eye contact as I pump. This is the position in which I finish inside him.  

It is very late.  We are both very tired.  I can not remember if I gave him a ride home or not.  I believe I did.  

We both have amazing nights of fucking.  It is late and there is one more event tomorrow (Which is now today) ahead of us.  I am unsure what my stamina for the next event will be like and actually if I don't do much of anything, I am pretty content with that.  I've had some amazing ass tonight. I very glad we decided to go back to the hotel for our after party romp.