TIMING

 Saturday 4, 2025

              Saturday 

               2:05 am

Usually when I take on a personal challenge, fast, or embark on a personal journey, I make a strong commitment to hold fast to that personal challenge. 

When I decided to focus on taking and posting at least one new image / clip a day, I didn't weigh in many factors like :

1. I'm not going to be feeling it every single day for the rest of the challenge.  There are days when I don’t feel sexy and faking it for “the shot”  feels more like a business than a blog.  That is when it becomes more about numbers than about the journey.

I do still plan on posting a picture or clip on my sidebar with the current calendar date along with the title and exact or approximate date the image was taken.

I do also plan on continuing to post more frequently on my brother blogs.  Keep an eye out for new postings on my blogroll from the five blogs listed on my blog entry.

Ciao for now.

FACT #36

FACT# 36

      When it happens

I make a noisy bottom. 

Quite loud.

Sorry neighbors.

ONE PICTURE A DAY

 It's been a while since I've made the time to take some self portraits.  

Since it is the beginning of a new month I figure I would challenge myself with taking at least one good picture of myself a day and posting it somewhere on my brother blogs. 

I woke up, scrolled through Scruff, hit Bsky and quickly got offline exasperated by the same look, same body type, and same demographic.  

It is then when the challenge to photograph myself and posting to one of my blogs everyday for the month of October came to mind. Look out for new posts on either 

                        THE DIRTY THOT

            

                                THE DIRTY JOCK

                    THE MASTURBATION CHRONICLES

               THE MALE CASTING COUCH

I believe I will also start this month by posting at least one photo or video clip a day to this blog.  These necessarily won't be new clips but some new as well as some blasts from the past. But my goal this month is to be more active on my blogs. 

ADICKTED

Wednesday 9/24 /2025 - Thursday 9/25/2025

Wednesday and Thursday I felt the aftermath of my hole being violated and I loved every minute of that “gaped hole” feeling.

Now I’m adickted.

BROKE THE DRY SPELL: CHERRY RE-POPPED

LINK: JER

Wednesday Sept 24, 2025

Consider my cherry re-popped.

The last time I was fucked was back in 2023 according to my entry POPPED!  Before that was about 10 years ago.

It's like having the nerves of a young virgin all over again.

"What if it hurts too much?"  

"What if I'm unable to satisfy him?"

"What if I get..."

"Preeeeg naaaant!"🫣 😉

Of all my concerns, my biggest one is the effect of the Cujo pills. 

I swear those prep pills make me feel like I can start foaming at the mouth at any second not to mention the horrible things it does to my stomach.  But I've checked all the boxes to make sure everything is clear.

"Right?" 

About 2:00pm

I had promised myself that during my exodus, I would not spend any more money on hotel rooms solely for hooking up unless it is for someone in my designated circle that I know would be worth it.

Since Jer discussed how he would like to top more and I wanted to reopen the door for bottoming, I decide to chat with him about the possibilities.

I'm unsure what his response would be when I invite him over to the hotel taking the answer to the proposal was left open and unclear.

I decide I would rent the room regardless of his decision and use it for a little get away if it doesn't work out.

He responds by letting me know that he will be available close to 2:00pm

2:15pm

I can't help but being a little nervous about what's going take place.  It has been 2 years since being penetrated.  Although it was fun, it didn't last very long as the guy was pretty thick and more eager than I was ready for.  Before that was 10 years.  It's been 15 years since Jer and I  have seen each other naked, so the nerves are jumping.

Plus, those damn Cujo pills!

I prepared as appropriately as I could.

Even though I fasted appropriately, there is always that question in the back of my head if I'm fully prepared.

I take a few moments to relax and get all of the distractions out of my head before he arrives.

He gets to the hotel. 

Jer, a White guy in his mid 60s, still looks good.  He is balding on top and he keeps his sides tapered very close.  He has a thin goatee.  I would describe his body type as an endomorph with more muscle than fat.  He has broad shoulders and a wider frame but not really fat.  His body is solid standing about 5'8".

 A bit has changed for the both of us. We both have extra pounds on us.  It doesn't seem to bother neither one of us however.

We chat for a brief moment.  It is not long before I get on my knees and start blowing him.  He begins to stiffen in my mouth.

He is not assertive when it comes to getting blown.  I actually grab his wrist and prompt his hand on the back of my head to signal that it is okay to get a little aggressive.  He does begin to gyrate his hips back and forth, pumping his cock in and out of my mouth.

One of the main reasons I chose Jer is because I know he would be attentive to my needs and that he wouldn't want to hurt me. But I also remember when he did used to fuck me, he was an animal in bed.  I'm looking for that animal right now.  My mouth can take it.  I don't know if my ass can, but I am definitely looking for that beast to fuck my throat.  

That beast is not there. 

That is totally fine.  I'm just enjoying being the recipient for a change.   

As I am sucking his cock I can taste his precum.  

He precums a great deal and I love how it taste. The funny thing is I can feel the precum oozing out all three of the holes in his dick.  He has his pee hole of course.  He also has the two holes where his Prince Albert was just minutes prior.

He is all the way hard now.  

I want him in me.

"You ready," he ask.

He lubes his dick as I lube my hole.

"I guess we'll see how far we will get," I say with very low expectations.

He gets on his knees, on the bed and lifts my hips up to find my butthole.

He pushes the tip in just enough.  It feels very uncomfortable.

"I don't think this is going to happen today."  I say to myself.

He pulls back. 

We try again. (Why I didn't think about this earlier: This would have been the perfect time to teach him The Butt Clock technique that I learned from Somebody . )This time I try some breathing techniques as I push my hole out.

Slowly his dick goes in a little deeper.

I close my eyes on the third try.

The next time, I try the invader with my eyes open.  I look at his solid body migrating closer to mine as I am on my back with my legs spread open.

"Oh!" I exclaim.

I feel the tip inside.

He comes to a halt.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah,"I reply.

"Just stay right there," I request as I begin to breathe deep.  I don't want him to pull out.  I want my hole to get used to the intruder inside me.

We lock eyes.

As I focus on the eye contact, I feel the shaft going deeper.

"I'm going to go slow." 

I work on pushing out to open a bit more.

I feel every inch as he slowly digs to the base.

"Fuck.  You're inside me!"

"Well, yeah!" He laughs as if that was the silliest thing he's ever heard.

He slowly lifts his hips back and pushes forward.

He continues with this movement building up a rhythm. Lo and behold, he's fucking me!

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FACT # 35

 Link: FACT

I'm fully aware of what the color red states in Kink.  And though I am more inclined to flag only the colors in my repertoire.  This red jock.

This fucking red jock!

I make the exception.

TODAY'S PICK: THE TRAVELOGUE OF LOGAN ARROW PART 1

LINK: LOGAN ARROW

          TODAY'S PICK

Logan Logan Logan.  What more can I say.

I was visiting his blog today and realized how hard it must be at times for him.  And though his expression can appear "as a matter of fact," there is a lot that hits him.  I felt because there's been so much going on with him that I would share about a few posts I've been enjoying from his blog.  Things that, to me allows me to breathe.

THE TRAVELOGUE OF LOGAN ARROW PART 1 is a stroll through the city.  It's enjoying the outdoors.  It's seeing the beauty in things that most people look over in their busy day.  The travelogue allows me to slow down and take in the world around me.  Not the world that is currently a shit show, but the invisible world that is right in our faces.

There are six parts to his photo journey.  Maybe I will do a post on all six of them later in my journey.  Maybe I will encourage the readers of my blog to take the initiative to enjoy the posts themselves.  Whatever the choice, the opportunity to enjoy just life in general is right there.  

And to my friend Logan, I hope you continue with your photo mission and share more of what crosses your path with the rest of us.

GIVING IT SOME THOUGHT

 September 16, 2025

                   Tuesday

I wrestled with the idea of calling Jer, a friend that I have known for over twenty years now.  Sometimes it is months even years that we go without communicating.  There's no bad blood.  It is just how life plays it for us.  

He is pretty handy with fixing things.  Boss and I know we can always call him to fix it, whatever it may be.

August 11, 2025

When Boss was in rehab, I called him to see if he would help me assemble a mobility device for Boss.  He came by with no delay even though he is about an hour out from us.

We chatted.  He shared that he is seeing a guy but they were taking things very slow for now.

We first met at a gay men's group when I first started discovering the gay community, support groups for newbies dealing with their identities and learning to be more comfortable with who I am.

He was kind enough to offer me rides home from our meetings and social gatherings. 

We became friends and would share about what was going on in our lives. (This was a little before I met Boss.) 

We both were attracted to each other but were hesitant to cross that line out of fear of making things awkward.  

One evening he gingerly tipped toed around the possibility of us getting together.  I remember being so giddy and thinking to myself, "I thought he'd never ask."

From then on we were the true meaning of friends with benefits.  We had a unique chemistry.  We were both versatile although more than not he would end up topping me.  I was more than happy to oblige.  Of all the guys I have been versatile with, he is one of the few that I would be more than content bottoming for.  He just knew how to lay it down.  As a matter of fact whenever we would get together I would automatically assume the position.  There was just something about the size that fit perfect. Not so big that it was too much for me but still big enough to allow me to enjoy it thoroughly.

About a year after Jer in 2003, Boss came into the picture.  As we were getting to know each other Boss became familiar with some of the people in my circle.

Time goes by.  Things change, people change and we go our separate ways.  Eventually the play time we used to have stopped as we got into our own relationships.

Fast forward to this year, I called him up to help out with assembling the device.  He came up and helped out.  We chatted about the new guy he is seeing.

He is pretty content with what he has even though they are taking things slow.  His one complaint is that his new partner is not as versatile.  Jer bottoms mostly all the time for him.  His partner hardly ever bottoms for him.  Though Jer doesn't make a fuss about it, I know he is an ass man.  He shared with me that if he would just give it up more that he would be most content.

As we were putting working on the project we caught up on some of the play we have been getting into.  We are pretty much the same with our views on hook ups.  He is so much more content with his guy. But there is always that occasional meet up. 

I found myself getting somewhat turned on by our conversation.  It took a while for me to admit it.  But, I figure it was now my turn to gingerly tip toe and make my confession.  He smiled and reached to feel the bulge in my pants.

"Yep. Conversations like that will do it to you." He said with a smirk.

We finally finished up.  Ready to bring the device up to the facility, made plans to load it in his truck.

Before we walked out the door I asked him to follow me down the hallway. 

I stopped and reached out to feel the bulge in his pants.

"Do you mind?"

"No.  Go right ahead." He replied.

I got on my knees and took it out of his shorts.  I remember that he hardly ever wear underwear making it much accessible. 

I began sucking it getting it semi hard. I didn't get it all the way hard; just enough to give him a taste of what he's been missing out all these years.

"We got to head up to the center so we don't miss Boss's physical therapy,"  I interrupted.

"Well, now look at what you done.  Got me all hard.  Hope I don't start leaking," he said.

"Well that's what you get for not wearing underwear!" I laughed.

That is as far as it went.

September 16, 2025

I gave Jer a call.  I had that day in my mind.  

I shared with him that I was very much interested in getting together with him some time if he was up for it.  I just wanted to make sure that it wouldn't interfere with what he has going on with his new interest. 

He shared that one of the reasons why he never felt inclined to hit me up was because he had much respect for Boss and didn't want it to be weird for any of us.  The ironic thing is that Boss asked me in the past and recently if we ever fucked around. Actually if we ever dated steady.  I was honest with him and told him we didn't date.  It was more of a sexual thing.  Boss actually mentioned that he really likes Jer and if there was anyone he felt most comfortable with me playing with; it would be him.

Boss knows I enjoy meeting other guys occasionally for sex and kink.  But for him to give his explicit okay for Jer means he holds him in the highest regards.

When I did bring up the proposition,  there was a dead silence for a few seconds.  My heart stopped. I just knew I went over that appropriate line.  He did say that he would give it some thought.

He repeated that he is content with where he is now.  I shared with him my point of view; How I would love to be more versatile as a bottom and how difficult it is to find a top that will top, someone who is patient enough to take their time with me and who I already have a good chemistry with. I also reminded him that his desire to top more with my desire to bottom more is a perfect combination.

He again mentioned that he would give it some thought.

It did sound a little promising as he did throw out a few dates available on his calendar.  Time will tell.

VACATION

September 15, 2025

Dad is in Northern California for the time being. He will be spending his time in a VA facility. This will give me more availability to visit him and check up on him more often.  Yes I’m very aware that my dad can be a handful and that my sibling needs a break. What my sibling don't realize is that the feeling is mutual. 

They tend to drive each other nuts at many points. I'm glad for both of them that they are BOTH getting the respite they need

TODAY’S PICK: FACT #14

 LINK: FACT

FACT #14 was written Tuesday, November 21, 2023. Up until that time, I’ve had guys cum in my mouth. But I’ve only swallowed three times before then.  Now I’m a cum whore. 

Okay I’m exaggerating. But I’m much more inclined to swallow now than before that was posted. 

I’m still selective. But when I’m ready I’m ready. 

TODAY'S PICK: IF BLOGGING WAS THERAPY...

LINK: TODAY'S PICK

Today's pick comes from agaytekeeperiam .

The title is a long one called IF BLOGGING WAS THERAPY WHY'D WE TURN IT INTO CONTENT? 

This one definitely caught my attention.  I am forever talking about how blogging is therapy because it actually is.

The author goes on to mention how he missed the good old days when blogging was about sharing your life without the branding, content creation, and monetizing. 

Because I was so inclined to share, and for the sake of time, I will copy my comment.

I felt every word! Yes I understand exactly what you are saying. And yes Blogging is very much therapeutic to me. But I would be lying if I said there's not any performance to it as well. As an artist, It is important for me to present my blog in a way that is creative . Hell even when I have my video clips and pictures there is some form of being "on" for the camera. As far as the algorithm, Fuck the algorithm ! That is the decline of all mental health. I know. I been there before. 

Now I know how to express myself and give a piece of who I am without losing myself in the numbers or pitching a sale of my content. There are still some of us out there! This blog entry is LOOOOONG overdue. I'm glad you said that part out loud for the blogosphere. And keep doing what you are doing.

I believe there is room for a little bit of both. sharing about who you are, the daily livings and the hot content, (I hate that word!) But most of all being true to who you are.

FACT # 34

FACT #34

One doesn't need to write if he has nothing to say.

Yet here I am at the keyboard anyway.

Way before the keyboard, there was always a pen and pad close by.  Not much has changed but the technology. 

I would write more right now.  But it is seriously time for bed.

QUICK UPDATE

Link: THE EXODUS

Saturday September 6, 2025

5:18pm

It’s Saturday evening.  I’m laying on the couch in the living room under the fan waiting on boss to call me in to help him with some things.  Although Boss currently needs more assistance with activities of daily living, being home is allowing me to get more chores around the apartment completed.  I’m also not as pressed with important business that I need to take care of for my dad.  It was a little crazy when Boss first came home.  We both had to get used to a new way of living with his limitations.

He is however gaining his strength back. 

It is a long process but he is getting better.

It’s not all smooth sailing.  But we are learning what works for us as far as his safety and his health.  I have even had more time to relax and do some writing. 

It doesn’t change the fact that there are some physical aspects that can be pretty hard on my body.  It comes with the territory. 

Speaking of which, I’ve had no calls as of late for any positions.  This is all good in my book.  I did discover that the family of the client I was taking care of put out an add paying five dollars more than they were paying me.

Ain’t that a bitch!

I’m not even mad though.  

One of these days I’m going to take my name off all registries and call it a wrap. 

Being a caregiver is a thankless job.  It takes a person with a special kind of heart for people to do it for as long as I have.  Hence the reason they get away with doing their employees wrong.  

I’m fully aware of all the guilt trips they pull on us. 

The “do it for your clients,” the “we all have to pull our own weight and take on some extra shifts,” not to mention the “they need yous,” and the big one, “It’s just not in our budgets for…” you fill in the blank.

I’m so immune to that bullshit it doesn’t even phase me anymore.

No.  I’m not available.  No.  I cannot work more hours, and I need my raise please!

I am actually relieved that I am not dealing with all that bullshit anymore.  

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed working with my clients.  Most of them were a delight to work for.  

Most. 

Once Boss’s leave is up.  He is going to go back to work but only part time. 

So this means there is going to be some things we need to cut back on. 

I'm going to look for something I can do that will give me flexible hours.  I mean really flexible.  

With Boss’s daily needs as well as his doctor's appointments and physical therapy, having a set schedule will be damn near impossible.

Maybe I will see what some of these ridesharing platforms are like.  Maybe something like Uber, Lift, or Uber eats.  Something that will allow me to bring in a little extra along with the hours I get with Boss.  It may be a little tight for a moment.  But we are

brainstorming now and working our bills out so that when the storm comes we can be as ready as possible. 

As for now, I feel pretty good about things.  There is no major crisis going on with Dad.  The narcissist isn’t yelling my ear off on how much of a fuck up I am compared to them.  It is all pretty chill.  I'm going to take this time and savor it.

MARK’S DNA INSIDE OF ME - (PART 2)

LINKS: THE INITIATION

              SIR

              THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

              ORAL TRAINING

The year 2002

 About 2:45am  

As I moved my head forward to receive SIR's cock, he grabbed the back of my head and slowly pushed his hips forward, filling my mouth with his dick.  His cock reached the back of my throat causing me to gag.  

He didn't do it forcefully but it was still a lot for me to take especially not being used to oral as much.

"Suck it." He said with authority.

I began to grab his waist.  I held on to his waist, going down to his hips until I got to his butt cheeks and squeezed a bit pushing his pelvis into my face.  For the first time I was getting used to blowing him. I was finally making love to his hips and buttocks as I guided them back and forth pushing his cock in and out of my mouth.

He allowed this for only a few seconds.

"Hands behind your back.  And keep them there," he ordered.

He began pumping my face slowly and deep.  I attempted not to fight it but my gag reflex was not as open as it is now.  After a few minutes, my throat finally started loosening up to the intruder.

As I got more into it, I made the mistake of going under his shirt to feel his chest.  What a great feeling to feel his chiseled slightly furry chest.

But it wouldn't last for long.

He bent down and pinched my nipples as hard as he could.  

"Did I say you could fucking touch me!"he snarled.

"No SIR!" I yelled in pain.

"Are you going to do that again?"

"No SIR!"

"Where are your hands supposed to be!"

"Behind my back," I wailed.

"Behind your back, what!" He yelled.

"Behind my back SIR!"

A few minutes later

He was still inside me but my jaw was getting sore.  

"Umm, umm," I mumbled.

Umm, Umm," I mumbled louder.

"You had enough?"

"Umm Hmm," I slurred as I nodded my head,"Yes."

"Good boy," he replied.

He took his cock out.  

I saw his cock swinging in the air with my spit oozing down the shaft to his balls.  It was a

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TODAY’S PICK: DIRTY OLD MAN

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MARK’S DNA INSIDE OF ME - (PART 1)

                     Links: THE INITIATION

THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

The year 2002 - Present 

I am Mark.

I have been for quite some time.

Birth and legal names hold no relevance here.

Every name on this blog whether given by birth, nick name, or by character description serves a purpose of bringing each person to his own unique existence.

Although I am indeed Mark, there is another Mark whose DNA lives inside me.

This DNA belongs to the man that initiated me into the world of kink and BDSM.  He is the man who dug deep into my insides and ran them inside out.  He is the man that I would refer to as SIR.

Some time in 2002.

At a local gay bar

Saturday about 1:00am

It was about 1:00am in the morning.  I was out at the local gay dive bar.  I've been out for some time that night cruising.  

For me at the time, being gay was more about finding ass and dick than anything. 

Although I did have a few gay friends from the Gay men's support group I was a part of, I was more about being on the prowl when I went out.  I am way freer to be a ho solo.

I was getting out of one way of life and finding out how to live my life in my new one.  Spending years in the church was a great experience for me in many ways and yet also it caused many personal and spiritual struggles that I sometimes still deal with today.

I'm not a big alcohol drinker.  I never have been.  I was not going out with any friends.  I chose it that way when I was horny and out on the prowl.  

It was late and I was bored.  I decided that I would buy one more soft drink and call this Saturday night a wrap.

I ordered one more Sprite.  

I migrated to another open table as the previous one was taken.  Across from me was a very handsome Latino man.   He had short dark wavy hair, olive brown skin and a thin goatee.  

We exchange eye contact for awhile.

After a few minutes he walked to my table and asked to have a seat.

We introduced ourselves.  We are both Mark.   We laughed at the introduction.

"Nice to meet you Mark," he laughed.

"Nice to meet you Mark," I replied with a giggle.

I don't remember much about what we chatted about.   But I do know that he was interested in bringing me home and I was interested in going with him.

"So what are you?  Top?  Bottom?  Versatile?"

"I am a versatile top but I am more of a top," I replied.

"And yourself?" I asked.

"I'm a total top." Mark replied.

"Total top?" 

"Yes." He responded.

Usually I end up topping even other tops or we end up flipping.  Because of this,  I assume that at some point I will get to top him.  

As we continued to get to know each other's preferences, He made it most definitely clear that he is a total top and that he was going to top me if I came to his place.  Although I am a versatile guy, my role as the top guy was clearly being taken away.  Remember, I am the guy that got total tops  to bend for me.  And usually it wasn't because we fought over the role.  Most guys would see my dick and would just be on it.

Oh my goodness! It sounds as though I am bragging and an arrogant son of a bitch.  But it is true.  I would be the first to say it.  

I don't have a huge dick.  It is not majorly long.  But it does have good reach and the biggest feature is the girth.

"So are you okay with that?"

"What? Me being a bottom?

"Yes."

"I don't have a problem but It is rare that I bottom. and I am pretty tight."

"Don't worry about that.  I will take my time with you."  He said.

As we were continuing our vetting, he said, "I want you to be my boy."

This was 2002.  I was 31 years old.  I was still very much in the closet.  

Just one year ago I was a "good" church boy with a "dark" secret.  The only thing I really knew about gay culture, and the varieties of sex is what I experienced cruising local parks, restrooms, behind bushes, hunting the gay bars, and the infamous sex phone line that got me laid plenty of times.  None of those experiences mentioned anything about what the term "boy" means in the gay kink world. As a matter of fact I was so vanilla, that vanilla was nothing more than a flavor.

"Be your boy?"

"Yes.  Do you know what that means?"

"What does that entail?"

"It is better if I show you.  You can follow me back to my place.  I can show you what it means to be my boy.  At anytime you can leave if you don't like it."

We finished our drinks and went to his place.  

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GOING OUT WITH A BANG!!!

 LINKS: LB

             THE EXODUS

AUGUST 1, 2025

After spending close to a month in rehab, the facility finally set a date that Boss would be released.

Uncertain what the circumstances would be once he got out, I informed Boss that I would be going out of town before he got out.

August 2, 2025

I want to make sure whoever I get with is very special, as it may be a while before I do it again.  As a matter of fact, the person I decide to get together with must be someone I really connect with to make it worth my while.

This is easy: 

LB.

I send him a message.

"I would love to spend a few hours with you. I'm thinking August 8th around 7pm until we both fall out? lol..."

Nothing on my calendar ... so that date would work, sure!" He responds.

August 5th

"Hi Mark. How are things looking for this Friday..."

He sends me a link of a guy in one of the telegram groups.  He's a white guy with a humongous dick.  

I never saw what he looks like because he only post from his torso down.  I just know that he has what appears to be maybe a 31 or 32 waist. He is wearing some blue jeans a dress shirt and a monster of a dick poking out of those jeans.

LB writes,"This guy looks fun, if you have any desire to bring in a third..."

I ask if he contacted him.

"I haven't chatted with him at all. No insight," he replies.

"You just saw his cock and was dicknatized!🤣 That's okay. So was I. lol"I joke.

We attempt with a good amount of prospects but can't find anyone.  I decide it's for the best anyway.  This way I could have him all to myself.

August 8, 2025

  About 6:00pm

We spend a few minutes chatting and getting our devices ready for recording.  He has this set up on his phone in the upper corner of the bed which gives a great perspective.  He also has another phone that he sets up somewhat to the side of the bed.  I have my iPad that I usually always use.  That is it for me.  

After getting our recording devices together we strip down to our underwear.  I am in my signature black ball cap, black tank top and blue and black jockstrap.  He is in a black shirt and blue boxer briefs.  It wasn't planned but our colors are matching.  It is like serendipity.  The last big hurrah before my Exodus and even our colors match. (although the clothes comes off very early in our play) I didn't even recognize it until reviewing the footage.

Because I hate how the first dose of 2-1-1 Prep makes me sick, I choose to take my first dose the day prior which leaves me only one pill to take.  My goal is to start off with condoms and later if I decide to go bare for a while, I will.

As we are on the bed, he decides to turn his Apple Watch to a work out monitor to see how many calories he burns during our own work out.

We get into some brief foreplay.

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A NEW CHAPTER, SAME JOURNEY

 LINK: THE EXODUS

Boss, my husband has been in rehabilitation.  There has been a change in his mobility.  When he finally got out of rehab a few days ago, I pretty much knew that our lifestyle would be much different as he requires more physical care.  

I don't know what this new lifestyle is going to look like in the future but I know for now, his needs require me to be there for him a lot more than I have in the past.  

I'm okay with that.  I'm more of a homebody anyway.

For now, this is my EXODUS from the whole scene; at least for a while.  I don't know what a while looks like.  

It could be a few months.  It may be a year.  It may be a few years and that's okay.  

It's not a burden.

I'm alright with this exodus.  I'm alright with not making the Horse Market events, Interrogaytions, taking a break from online dating / fucking and I also worked my last caregiving shift with my client.

Almost  30 years I've worked taking care of various families.  Now it is time to take care of my own.

This is not a sacrifice.  This is not a tough decision where I'm giving up something I am really passionate about to take care of the one I love.

It is more of a breaking point of a built up need for change.  

I am 54 years old.  

Twenty nine years of bending, lifting and fitting myself into tiny, awkward spaces has caught up with my body.  The only person I am going to do that for is my husband (Fortunately he is not that bad off) and my father when I visit or he visits.

As for hook ups, play sessions, and even this blog:

The whole hook up game has gotten old.  There are a very selected few that are worthy of my precious time.  I am sure they know who they are.

Two of those regulars I am giving a special shout out to: LB and Logan.

LB even though we don't hang out and chat with each other on a regular basis, I feel a closeness to him. We have a chemistry that is like no other sexually. When we fuck, we fuck like crazy and the beautiful thing about him is he see me as human.  Not some kind of fantasy.  

Logan: What can I say that hasn't already been said before? 

Logan is a friend.  He reaches beyond contact or booty call.  He messages me and checks up on me regularly.  Though we don't play much these days, it is always uplifting getting a message from him.

As for prospects: There are a few prospects that I have been in contact with. I am still open to getting to meet up and getting to know them as long as they understand that sex, BDSM, and kink is not my main agenda when connecting.  

So where does this leave the blog?

Writing has always been my outlet.  It has always been my therapy.  I doubt that will change.  Maybe the format might shift a little.  Maybe the entries may become more introspective opposed to prurient in nature, but I believe that as long as I have the resource and ability to do so, I shall.

This time may give me the opportunity to catch up on some of the experiences I have yet to share about. Besides, there are plenty of retroactive experiences that are all part of THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF. 

So the short of it: Who knows what anything looks like right now.  I guess we will see along the way.

DEAD INSIDE

 LINK: THE SCARS

I hate when guys break off communication.  I hate it even worse when it was them that initiated conversation to begin with.  

I really should have witnessed the warning signs from the beginning.  The high praise, The placing me on a pedi stool, the inability to come "out of character" and just see me as Mark as opposed to Daddy or Sir.

What I find more often than not is this facade of being interested in connection and engagement but really they just want to be sexed in a way that would get them off.  Sometimes it's just a "wham bam" kind of thing.  Other times the "Friendship" can go on for years before you realize that they are just getting what they want from you and once the situation changes, and they are not receiving what they want at the capacity they are used to, they go radio silent.

When I was making trips to Southern California, there was a bate buddy that I would chat with on my drive to and back.  We talked about everything from our relationships to family stuff and day to day living.

Although our contact was long distance, I felt like we were great support systems for each other.  I strongly believe what changed was the situations going on in my life that put me in a non playful mood.  

When asked how a person is, there is the superficial bullshit and there is the real answer.  We kept it real 100%.  But when the answer is always "Horny," (And that always meant they wanted to bate either by phone or video) it got old.  Maybe my need for connection got old for him.

I know what it is like to be a needy bitch.  I have had plenty of people like that in my life.  It is draining.  I have been one of those needy bitches as well.   And I know that those demands can quickly drive a person away.  

That is why I try not to overstep another person's boundaries and space because I both know how it feels to be pestered and how devastating to a relationship to be the pest. 

This, in my opinion however, was more like the whole fantasy thing I continually bitch about. Everybody wants Daddy Scruff but will "tolerate" Mark until they are totally bored with him.

I would say that this really got me fucked up but I'm dead inside. lol

That's a serious cap! 

I feel.  

I feel deeply.

(Maybe too deeply.) 

But I can't deny that there has been plenty of numbing from this constant exposure to this behavior.

So, I won't say I'm dead inside.  Just in a deep coma.

PRETTY ACTIVE TIME

 I met this sexy Latino with short brown wavy hair and piercing light blue eyes. 

 

I saw him laying on his bed, ass up with the door cracked open. He was most definitely a cum dump.

My room was right across from his. Yes I rented a room. I had even taken my prep a few hours earlier.

When you're horny, you're horny! 

The fact that I was willing to go through a phase where my stomach was queasy and I felt like I would foam at the mouth like Cujo

says a lot about my state of horniness.  For the record I refrained from foaming at the mouth. I figured it wouldn't be the best look for the occasion.

I really had no expectations, however.  I mainly figured I'd get a room for the heck of it and whatever was going to happen would happen.

 His ass was calling me to his room.  He was a very nice guy.  Friendly and engaging.  It was at this point I noticed those eyes of his. He had just gotten there.  I was to be his first load.

I actually liked this!  I have tried sloppy 5ths  and 7ths with The Nurse.   Now I get to be the first in a line of guys.  I actually invited him back to my room as I had the Queen sized room with the mirror on the wall.

If you have never watched yourself fuck someone or get your booty busted in front of a mirror, you have not lived.  The very first time I saw myself in front of a mirror, I was getting fucked.  I'm tight of course, and he was big.  I kid you not, when he put us in front of that mirror and he made me look up as he violated me from behind,  it was like my hole opened up and swallowed his dick.  I never felt as sexy as watching my pussy being pounded with that hot guy on top of me. (Tent instantly pitched while writing this.)

I wanted to share that moment with him as well. 

I placed us right in front of the mirror.  

Yeah he was moaning like mad and he even made a few attempts to kiss me while I plowed into him.  For some reason he kept his eyes closed.  

I get it. 

There are many times when I need sensory deprivation to help me focus better on being open. But damn.  It would have been nice to have seen him in awe of how sexy he looked in that position. 

Good news for me.  I thoroughly enjoyed watching my dick go in and out of his butthole as I slammed into him.  It took a while but I did cum inside him.  I was privileged enough to be his first load. 

Usually after one big load it takes me a while to recuperate.  Often times I am done.  Apparently I was more horny than I thought.  I was actually on the prowl for more action.

I dug into the area where the van lays.  There were two White guys that were stroking each other and a Black guy with a hairy chest. None of the above were interested so I stroked my dick until a guy no taller than 5'4 knelt in front of me and took me down to the base. For a little guy he had a pretty deep throat.

As I was being pleasured, there was a short stocky Mexican guy with a mustache observing our activities.  He had to have been in his late forties or so. 

He was stroking his dick. We continued the eye contact until I motioned him over. He stood on the bench and performed somewhat of a standing straddle in font of me.  

The positioning went:

I was sitting on the bench, 5’4” was in on his knees blowing me while Mexican guy with a mistache was straddled in front of me feeding me his dick.

There was a euphoric rush as I was in the middle of being orally pleasured and pleasuring someone. The rush intensified as Mexican Guy came in my mouth.

Usually I am either the Dom stud ready to fuck and annihilate every hole in sight or I just want to be the cumslut on my knees taking dick down my throat like a whore. 

Tonight I'm more binary.

I am down for pleasure in all forms. There is no role nor position that suits me. I am a horny dude getting my rocks off tonight.

I get in the shower to wash off.

About ten minutes later 

I see the Mexican Guy.  I ask to play with it.  He lets me know that he believes he's done.  He doubts that he will get up.  I look at him for the okay any way.  He smiles and gestures.  He has his doubt but he's like,"Fuck it!  If you want to try, knock yourself out."

And try, I do.

I get on my knees and begin to suck his flaccid penis.  I don't even need it hard.  I just want to be on my knees tasting his delicious cock as he looks down at me.

He begins to swell once again. We revisit the area with the fuck van.  He sits on the bench and I get on my knees.  I request for him to stand as I enjoy it much better when a guy stands over me feeding his dick.  The power dynamic is much sexier.  I feel like the cocksucker I long to be when a guy dominates my throat.  

He pumps and pump until he explodes again in my mouth.  I swallow with no hesitation.

I shoot my load on the ground leaving a puddle on the floor.  I wipe up as much as possible so no one will slip from my mess.

Possibly ten minutes later.

I walk the halls and the facility seeing where to go next.  The next fifteen minutes or so are spent with guys looking through me as if I were invisible, or altogether giving me the eye roll.  

Okay. That's more like it! Now I know I'm at the right place! This is the treatment that I have come to expect from this place. 

I go back to my room not moved by the last few minutes of stupidity but the victory of getting a good run for my money.  Finally.

I was just going to pack my stuff up to leave when I hear the Latino with the pretty eyes getting pounded to oblivion.  He's moaning rather loud and I hear the flesh slapping against each other.  He's really taking it.

The door is open enough to be able to watch and enjoy the action.  He's getting busted by a thin Asian top.  This guy is showing no mercy.  He is giving it to him good. I feel myself swell up again.  I walk in and quietly wait as he finishes.  Not long after I walk in he steps aside to offer me a piece. I so graciously accept. 

I grab his hips and begin to plow. 

One more time for the road. I leave my deposit in his hole.  

Three times coming is enough for me.  I get my stuff and go home.

This account is so much a contradiction of WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT that I decided not to add this on to that post.  I feel that it would have just confused the whole message of why I usually stay the fuck away from that place and taking that the post is part of the milestone THE EXODUS would have drawn more confusion.  I still stand on every word I said previously.  Do better White people!