VICTIM TO VICTOR

DECEMBER 31, 2025

I have let go.  Although I still have occasional anxiety of how this will play out in the future with my dad, I am learning to understand that I don’t need to compromise my boundaries or my peace to love someone no matter how much they demand it.  I’m also constantly reminding myself that anyone who demands me to compromise my boundaries don’t truly love me and therefore I will love them from a distance.

From as early as I could remember in childhood to my mid forties I’ve been bullied.

The bullying did not come from classmates or kids on the block.  It came from my own family member. 

Although this person has never been officially identified as a narcissist, they display all the behaviors and traits of one. 

This person is starring in their own imaginary, made for TV movie and everyone around them is the camera crew.  Anyone who does not fall in line with the role assigned to this person’s liking will have hell to pay.

Well, I quit!

The pay sucks and the management is mean.

I have spent from childhood to adulthood being the cameraman and spotlight for this person and all I ever got was ridicule, anger, chastisement and disrespect. 

My husband would always tell me, "It is a miracle that you are even alive." 

I always thought he was jokingly talking about dealing with the personality of this person.  But he really meant it.

This person always would always share the story, when my mom and dad were out of the room, they would just stare in my crib thinking about how easy it would be to be rid of me.  It was always the cute story the family would laugh at during the holidays. 

It wasn’t funny anymore when I finally put together exactly what they were saying. 

I am convinced this person really doesn’t love me nor anyone for that matter. 

They will shower with gifts, throw money here and there and buy expensive clothes for people in their circle not because this person appreciates them but to control them.  When I finally woke up and said enough is enough and sent a clear message that I will not be bought, intimidated, pressured, guilted, or bullied into doing what they want me to do, this person started painting me in a bad light on social media. 

I decided enough was enough.  I told this person once before that I would not tolerate being disrespected regardless of who they were and yet again they tested me. 

Now I am done.

I am not going to power struggle.  I am not going to try to convince this person of anything.  I’m not even going to offer for us to talk it out.  When I am done, I’m done. 

Because we both share responsibilities regarding my father, we need to be in constant communication about him.  But that is the extent of it.  No longer does this person gets a pass for being mean.  If this person wants to do nasty, they can do it by themselves because I don’t do nasty. 

I have done some deep research on people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the people that live or deal with them. 

I often hear the term “victim” describing the people affected by these monsters.  Another term I hear is “survivor” and stories of “escaping” relationships like such.

Well, I am not a victim or a survivor of NPD, and I sure as hell am not going to escape or run from this being.  I refuse to give that much power to this little person. 

But one thing I have already done is closed the door for allowing this person to disrupt my peace.

I am sure it is not going to be all easy peasy.  I don’t have a problem with that.  I will work on improving myself and how to interact with them when I need to but that is all the attention this person will receive from me.

No one who is in my circle gets to be nasty and needy at the same time.

It is either or, not both.

If it’s needy, you will respect me and the people I love and we will work things out like grown adults. 

If it is nasty?

Well, you can do nasty all by yourself because I don’t tolerate nasty.

Anyone who has disrespected these boundaries are no longer a part of my journey and I don’t have a problem with doing it again, regardless how close in blood we are.

Again I will be no one’s victim.  I’m not going to "survive" or "escape" anyone’s abuse.

I titled this Victim to Victor. But the question is, “Is anyone really victorious?”

If it means winning back my peace and my sense of self, I believe so.