MARK’S DNA INSIDE OF ME - (PART 1)

                     Links: THE INITIATION

THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF

The year 2002 - Present 

I am Mark.

I have been for quite some time.

Birth and legal names hold no relevance here.

Every name on this blog whether given by birth, nick name, or by character description serves a purpose of bringing each person to his own unique existence.

Although I am indeed Mark, there is another Mark whose DNA lives inside me.

This DNA belongs to the man that initiated me into the world of kink and BDSM.  He is the man who dug deep into my insides and ran them inside out.  He is the man that I would refer to as SIR.

Some time in 2002.

At a local gay bar

Saturday about 1:00am

It was about 1:00am in the morning.  I was out at the local gay dive bar.  I've been out for some time that night cruising.  

For me at the time, being gay was more about finding ass and dick than anything. 

Although I did have a few gay friends from the Gay men's support group I was a part of, I was more about being on the prowl when I went out.  I am way freer to be a ho solo.

I was getting out of one way of life and finding out how to live my life in my new one.  Spending years in the church was a great experience for me in many ways and yet also it caused many personal and spiritual struggles that I sometimes still deal with today.

I'm not a big alcohol drinker.  I never have been.  I was not going out with any friends.  I chose it that way when I was horny and out on the prowl.  

It was late and I was bored.  I decided that I would buy one more soft drink and call this Saturday night a wrap.

I ordered one more Sprite.  

I migrated to another open table as the previous one was taken.  Across from me was a very handsome Latino man.   He had short dark wavy hair, olive brown skin and a thin goatee.  

We exchange eye contact for awhile.

After a few minutes he walked to my table and asked to have a seat.

We introduced ourselves.  We are both Mark.   We laughed at the introduction.

"Nice to meet you Mark," he laughed.

"Nice to meet you Mark," I replied with a giggle.

I don't remember much about what we chatted about.   But I do know that he was interested in bringing me home and I was interested in going with him.

"So what are you?  Top?  Bottom?  Versatile?"

"I am a versatile top but I am more of a top," I replied.

"And yourself?" I asked.

"I'm a total top." Mark replied.

"Total top?" 

"Yes." He responded.

Usually I end up topping even other tops or we end up flipping.  Because of this,  I assume that at some point I will get to top him.  

As we continued to get to know each other's preferences, He made it most definitely clear that he is a total top and that he was going to top me if I came to his place.  Although I am a versatile guy, my role as the top guy was clearly being taken away.  Remember, I am the guy that got total tops  to bend for me.  And usually it wasn't because we fought over the role.  Most guys would see my dick and would just be on it.

Oh my goodness! It sounds as though I am bragging and an arrogant son of a bitch.  But it is true.  I would be the first to say it.  

I don't have a huge dick.  It is not majorly long.  But it does have good reach and the biggest feature is the girth.

"So are you okay with that?"

"What? Me being a bottom?

"Yes."

"I don't have a problem but It is rare that I bottom. and I am pretty tight."

"Don't worry about that.  I will take my time with you."  He said.

As we were continuing our vetting, he said, "I want you to be my boy."

This was 2002.  I was 31 years old.  I was still very much in the closet.  

Just one year ago I was a "good" church boy with a "dark" secret.  The only thing I really knew about gay culture, and the varieties of sex is what I experienced cruising local parks, restrooms, behind bushes, hunting the gay bars, and the infamous sex phone line that got me laid plenty of times.  None of those experiences mentioned anything about what the term "boy" means in the gay kink world. As a matter of fact I was so vanilla, that vanilla was nothing more than a flavor.

"Be your boy?"

"Yes.  Do you know what that means?"

"What does that entail?"

"It is better if I show you.  You can follow me back to my place.  I can show you what it means to be my boy.  At anytime you can leave if you don't like it."

We finished our drinks and went to his place.  

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GOING OUT WITH A BANG!!!

 LINKS: LB

             THE EXODUS

AUGUST 1, 2025

After spending close to a month in rehab, the facility finally set a date that Boss would be released.

Uncertain what the circumstances would be once he got out, I informed Boss that I would be going out of town before he got out.

August 2, 2025

I want to make sure whoever I get with is very special, as it may be a while before I do it again.  As a matter of fact, the person I decide to get together with must be someone I really connect with to make it worth my while.

This is easy: 

LB.

I send him a message.

"I would love to spend a few hours with you. I'm thinking August 8th around 7pm until we both fall out? lol..."

Nothing on my calendar ... so that date would work, sure!" He responds.

August 5th

"Hi Mark. How are things looking for this Friday..."

He sends me a link of a guy in one of the telegram groups.  He's a white guy with a humongous dick.  

I never saw what he looks like because he only post from his torso down.  I just know that he has what appears to be maybe a 31 or 32 waist. He is wearing some blue jeans a dress shirt and a monster of a dick poking out of those jeans.

LB writes,"This guy looks fun, if you have any desire to bring in a third..."

I ask if he contacted him.

"I haven't chatted with him at all. No insight," he replies.

"You just saw his cock and was dicknatized!🤣 That's okay. So was I. lol"I joke.

We attempt with a good amount of prospects but can't find anyone.  I decide it's for the best anyway.  This way I could have him all to myself.

August 8, 2025

  About 6:00pm

We spend a few minutes chatting and getting our devices ready for recording.  He has this set up on his phone in the upper corner of the bed which gives a great perspective.  He also has another phone that he sets up somewhat to the side of the bed.  I have my iPad that I usually always use.  That is it for me.  

After getting our recording devices together we strip down to our underwear.  I am in my signature black ball cap, black tank top and blue and black jockstrap.  He is in a black shirt and blue boxer briefs.  It wasn't planned but our colors are matching.  It is like serendipity.  The last big hurrah before my Exodus and even our colors match. (although the clothes comes off very early in our play) I didn't even recognize it until reviewing the footage.

Because I hate how the first dose of 2-1-1 Prep makes me sick, I choose to take my first dose the day prior which leaves me only one pill to take.  My goal is to start off with condoms and later if I decide to go bare for a while, I will.

As we are on the bed, he decides to turn his Apple Watch to a work out monitor to see how many calories he burns during our own work out.

We get into some brief foreplay.

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A NEW CHAPTER, SAME JOURNEY

 LINK: THE EXODUS

Boss, my husband has been in rehabilitation.  There has been a change in his mobility.  When he finally got out of rehab a few days ago, I pretty much knew that our lifestyle would be much different as he requires more physical care.  

I don't know what this new lifestyle is going to look like in the future but I know for now, his needs require me to be there for him a lot more than I have in the past.  

I'm okay with that.  I'm more of a homebody anyway.

For now, this is my EXODUS from the whole scene; at least for a while.  I don't know what a while looks like.  

It could be a few months.  It may be a year.  It may be a few years and that's okay.  

It's not a burden.

I'm alright with this exodus.  I'm alright with not making the Horse Market events, Interrogaytions, taking a break from online dating / fucking and I also worked my last caregiving shift with my client.

Almost  30 years I've worked taking care of various families.  Now it is time to take care of my own.

This is not a sacrifice.  This is not a tough decision where I'm giving up something I am really passionate about to take care of the one I love.

It is more of a breaking point of a built up need for change.  

I am 54 years old.  

Twenty nine years of bending, lifting and fitting myself into tiny, awkward spaces has caught up with my body.  The only person I am going to do that for is my husband (Fortunately he is not that bad off) and my father when I visit or he visits.

As for hook ups, play sessions, and even this blog:

The whole hook up game has gotten old.  There are a very selected few that are worthy of my precious time.  I am sure they know who they are.

Two of those regulars I am giving a special shout out to: LB and Logan.

LB even though we don't hang out and chat with each other on a regular basis, I feel a closeness to him. We have a chemistry that is like no other sexually. When we fuck, we fuck like crazy and the beautiful thing about him is he see me as human.  Not some kind of fantasy.  

Logan: What can I say that hasn't already been said before? 

Logan is a friend.  He reaches beyond contact or booty call.  He messages me and checks up on me regularly.  Though we don't play much these days, it is always uplifting getting a message from him.

As for prospects: There are a few prospects that I have been in contact with. I am still open to getting to meet up and getting to know them as long as they understand that sex, BDSM, and kink is not my main agenda when connecting.  

So where does this leave the blog?

Writing has always been my outlet.  It has always been my therapy.  I doubt that will change.  Maybe the format might shift a little.  Maybe the entries may become more introspective opposed to prurient in nature, but I believe that as long as I have the resource and ability to do so, I shall.

This time may give me the opportunity to catch up on some of the experiences I have yet to share about. Besides, there are plenty of retroactive experiences that are all part of THE MAKING OF DADDY SCRUFF. 

So the short of it: Who knows what anything looks like right now.  I guess we will see along the way.

DEAD INSIDE

 LINK: THE SCARS

I hate when guys break off communication.  I hate it even worse when it was them that initiated conversation to begin with.  

I really should have witnessed the warning signs from the beginning.  The high praise, The placing me on a pedi stool, the inability to come "out of character" and just see me as Mark as opposed to Daddy or Sir.

What I find more often than not is this facade of being interested in connection and engagement but really they just want to be sexed in a way that would get them off.  Sometimes it's just a "wham bam" kind of thing.  Other times the "Friendship" can go on for years before you realize that they are just getting what they want from you and once the situation changes, and they are not receiving what they want at the capacity they are used to, they go radio silent.

When I was making trips to Southern California, there was a bate buddy that I would chat with on my drive to and back.  We talked about everything from our relationships to family stuff and day to day living.

Although our contact was long distance, I felt like we were great support systems for each other.  I strongly believe what changed was the situations going on in my life that put me in a non playful mood.  

When asked how a person is, there is the superficial bullshit and there is the real answer.  We kept it real 100%.  But when the answer is always "Horny," (And that always meant they wanted to bate either by phone or video) it got old.  Maybe my need for connection got old for him.

I know what it is like to be a needy bitch.  I have had plenty of people like that in my life.  It is draining.  I have been one of those needy bitches as well.   And I know that those demands can quickly drive a person away.  

That is why I try not to overstep another person's boundaries and space because I both know how it feels to be pestered and how devastating to a relationship to be the pest. 

This, in my opinion however, was more like the whole fantasy thing I continually bitch about. Everybody wants Daddy Scruff but will "tolerate" Mark until they are totally bored with him.

I would say that this really got me fucked up but I'm dead inside. lol

That's a serious cap! 

I feel.  

I feel deeply.

(Maybe too deeply.) 

But I can't deny that there has been plenty of numbing from this constant exposure to this behavior.

So, I won't say I'm dead inside.  Just in a deep coma.

PRETTY ACTIVE TIME

 I met this sexy Latino with short brown wavy hair and piercing light blue eyes. 

 

I saw him laying on his bed, ass up with the door cracked open. He was most definitely a cum dump.

My room was right across from his. Yes I rented a room. I had even taken my prep a few hours earlier.

When you're horny, you're horny! 

The fact that I was willing to go through a phase where my stomach was queasy and I felt like I would foam at the mouth like Cujo

says a lot about my state of horniness.  For the record I refrained from foaming at the mouth. I figured it wouldn't be the best look for the occasion.

I really had no expectations, however.  I mainly figured I'd get a room for the heck of it and whatever was going to happen would happen.

 His ass was calling me to his room.  He was a very nice guy.  Friendly and engaging.  It was at this point I noticed those eyes of his. He had just gotten there.  I was to be his first load.

I actually liked this!  I have tried sloppy 5ths  and 7ths with The Nurse.   Now I get to be the first in a line of guys.  I actually invited him back to my room as I had the Queen sized room with the mirror on the wall.

If you have never watched yourself fuck someone or get your booty busted in front of a mirror, you have not lived.  The very first time I saw myself in front of a mirror, I was getting fucked.  I'm tight of course, and he was big.  I kid you not, when he put us in front of that mirror and he made me look up as he violated me from behind,  it was like my hole opened up and swallowed his dick.  I never felt as sexy as watching my pussy being pounded with that hot guy on top of me. (Tent instantly pitched while writing this.)

I wanted to share that moment with him as well. 

I placed us right in front of the mirror.  

Yeah he was moaning like mad and he even made a few attempts to kiss me while I plowed into him.  For some reason he kept his eyes closed.  

I get it. 

There are many times when I need sensory deprivation to help me focus better on being open. But damn.  It would have been nice to have seen him in awe of how sexy he looked in that position. 

Good news for me.  I thoroughly enjoyed watching my dick go in and out of his butthole as I slammed into him.  It took a while but I did cum inside him.  I was privileged enough to be his first load. 

Usually after one big load it takes me a while to recuperate.  Often times I am done.  Apparently I was more horny than I thought.  I was actually on the prowl for more action.

I dug into the area where the van lays.  There were two White guys that were stroking each other and a Black guy with a hairy chest. None of the above were interested so I stroked my dick until a guy no taller than 5'4 knelt in front of me and took me down to the base. For a little guy he had a pretty deep throat.

As I was being pleasured, there was a short stocky Mexican guy with a mustache observing our activities.  He had to have been in his late forties or so. 

He was stroking his dick. We continued the eye contact until I motioned him over. He stood on the bench and performed somewhat of a standing straddle in font of me.  

The positioning went:

I was sitting on the bench, 5’4” was in on his knees blowing me while Mexican guy with a mistache was straddled in front of me feeding me his dick.

There was a euphoric rush as I was in the middle of being orally pleasured and pleasuring someone. The rush intensified as Mexican Guy came in my mouth.

Usually I am either the Dom stud ready to fuck and annihilate every hole in sight or I just want to be the cumslut on my knees taking dick down my throat like a whore. 

Tonight I'm more binary.

I am down for pleasure in all forms. There is no role nor position that suits me. I am a horny dude getting my rocks off tonight.

I get in the shower to wash off.

About ten minutes later 

I see the Mexican Guy.  I ask to play with it.  He lets me know that he believes he's done.  He doubts that he will get up.  I look at him for the okay any way.  He smiles and gestures.  He has his doubt but he's like,"Fuck it!  If you want to try, knock yourself out."

And try, I do.

I get on my knees and begin to suck his flaccid penis.  I don't even need it hard.  I just want to be on my knees tasting his delicious cock as he looks down at me.

He begins to swell once again. We revisit the area with the fuck van.  He sits on the bench and I get on my knees.  I request for him to stand as I enjoy it much better when a guy stands over me feeding his dick.  The power dynamic is much sexier.  I feel like the cocksucker I long to be when a guy dominates my throat.  

He pumps and pump until he explodes again in my mouth.  I swallow with no hesitation.

I shoot my load on the ground leaving a puddle on the floor.  I wipe up as much as possible so no one will slip from my mess.

Possibly ten minutes later.

I walk the halls and the facility seeing where to go next.  The next fifteen minutes or so are spent with guys looking through me as if I were invisible, or altogether giving me the eye roll.  

Okay. That's more like it! Now I know I'm at the right place! This is the treatment that I have come to expect from this place. 

I go back to my room not moved by the last few minutes of stupidity but the victory of getting a good run for my money.  Finally.

I was just going to pack my stuff up to leave when I hear the Latino with the pretty eyes getting pounded to oblivion.  He's moaning rather loud and I hear the flesh slapping against each other.  He's really taking it.

The door is open enough to be able to watch and enjoy the action.  He's getting busted by a thin Asian top.  This guy is showing no mercy.  He is giving it to him good. I feel myself swell up again.  I walk in and quietly wait as he finishes.  Not long after I walk in he steps aside to offer me a piece. I so graciously accept. 

I grab his hips and begin to plow. 

One more time for the road. I leave my deposit in his hole.  

Three times coming is enough for me.  I get my stuff and go home.

This account is so much a contradiction of WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT that I decided not to add this on to that post.  I feel that it would have just confused the whole message of why I usually stay the fuck away from that place and taking that the post is part of the milestone THE EXODUS would have drawn more confusion.  I still stand on every word I said previously.  Do better White people!

TODAY’S PICK: stroke15

Link: TODAY’S PICK

My last post was in reference to my less than active play time either with someone else or by myself. As of late, I have taken the opportunity to discover self pleasure all over again. 

Stroke 15 from THE MASTURBATION CHRONICLES  takes me to my reintroduction to self pleasure and masturbation. 

I had just as much fun documenting it as the participation itself.

WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT

 LINK: THE EXODUS

              June 22, 2025

                         Sunday

I won't say that it has been awhile since I've hooked up with someone.  It has been fairly recent.  

There was The Nurse that I bred earlier this month. There were a few guys that I sucked off and swallowed  their loads.  I just haven't gotten around to writing about them.  Most recently there is my time at the place with the fuck van.

It is usually so rare that I would go there.  That environment is usually one of the most uninviting places for Black men I have been to.  They simply don't like us.  There is no pussy footing around that topic.  One of the main reasons I stay away from that place is how they go out of their way to avoid us.  

I get it.

We all have our preferences.  But the tribalism and exclusivity reeks there.

Usually.

I will stress the word "usually" to be fair.

My last time there was an astonishingly "so-so"exception.  

 

I bred this hot Latino cum dump, got sucked off while I sucked off this other guy.  Altogether it was pretty eventful for that place.  The desire to "look" just hasn't been there, however.

I go through these times when I wonder if my tools are even working properly as I can go weeks without sex or even masturbating.  What I realize is that life consumes a lot of my playtime.  Taking care of Boss's needs, dealing with my dad's needs and the pressures and demands of a specific family member that feels like I need to be more involved in helping take care of my father even though he is approximately four hundred and twenty four miles away from me is a lot.  

I'm not complaining.  But I am saying I told this person that keeping him in Southern California and moving there was not going to be easy for anyone of us.  

Although painted like the deadbeat son, I know I am doing my best.  The additional six thousand miles that I put on my car from January to now reminds me of that.

Again, I don't mind doing what needs to be done.  But being berated when I don't jump to every whim has gotten old and it is pushing me away from this person.

  

There was a time that I would bend over backwards  to make the peace. I just didn't want to waken the beast.  I would make whatever sacrifices needed to be made to try not to make this person angry. 

Now I am over it.  You want to act a fool, act a fool by your own damn self.  I will not reward anyone with attention for their negative behavior.  

Something this person never expected coming from me:  When this person decided to go off on me on the day my husband was in the hospital, knowing that I was dealing with a lot, I interrupted this person  and told them, "I am disengaging in this conversation now," and hung up.

I am leaning to set my boundaries.  

Yes this person was livid. 

That's not my problem.

Respect my boundaries and there would be no reason to be livid.

I'm sure what has been going on is affecting my mood for play time as well.

That is fine also.

There is a time for every thing and when the time comes, it will come.