A FRIEND

November 17, 2024

Sunday 

Link: LOGAN ARROW

I'm listening to my Sunday Music as I leisurely clean up my room. I'm not on any set mission.  If the room gets organized today or not, there's no worries. Cleaning and organizing is more of a therapeutic past time.  Since Sundays are usually chill time for me, I make no deadlines nor do I focus on getting anything done.

Logan was in town Friday and I stopped by his motel to say hi and give him the pup hood that I promised him.  We sat and talked for a bit and then we took a walk around midtown. 

He is one of the few contacts that has kept in contact to see how I am doing. When I was in my funk, he messaged me numerous times.

One message:

"Hey, you get down to S. Cali and you good?"

Another a few days later:

"Checking in again seeing if you're ok."

"If there's anything I can do tell me..."

There are actually a few guys that I chat with that have offered an ear. 

There is a unique difference however, between a buddy that offers his ear and occasionally sends a picture of him rock hard or his butt hole hungry for attention and someone who doesn't quite know what to say or how to be supportive but wants to make sure I know that he is there. 

I appreciate both parties.  I know right now, Pole nor Hole is really on my list. It is actually refreshing to just talk with Logan and it not have to have any sexual tone.  And yes we did discuss a few of his encounters which I enjoyed talking to him about. That fact that we can talk about everything and the kitchen sink lets me see intentions that reach further than dirty talk, sex, or anything related to it.

DEPRESSED, NOT QUITE DEPRESSION

Friday, November 1, 2024

I am just sad right now.

Depressed but not quite depression.

Anxious but not quite anxiety.

I was supposed to have been in Southern California yesterday.  But a major distraction with Boss thwarted that plan. I'm not upset at him about it. There are just some needs that require immediate attention.  It just is what it is.  I do know the longer things are put off, the deeper the anxiety grows.

I just want to get there as soon as I can so I can get the hell out.  My sister and I have a lot to do over the next few days.  I am just not ready for Southern Cali.  Not to yuck anyone's yum but for me, it does nothing.  It never has.  Now, the dread is intensified with all the drama that has gone down in recent months.  

I just want this nightmare to be over.  Because, that is what it feels like; a surreal nightmare in which I would have never imagined my father in the mental state that he's in now.  I wish I could wake the fuck up and have my Dad back.  But I am already awake.  And I don't see his state changing anytime soon.

TURN THE PAGE

Everybody's talking about how they are ready to turn the page.

Understand this.

I'm ready to rip the whole fucking chapter out and burn it.

FACT 32

     Link FACT #32

       Originally posted on my previous blog.

DAY OFF

 Sunday, October 27, 2024

I am sick.  I have a sore throat, headache and a cough out of this world.  I have been nursing it since Friday.  I went to urgent care. It's not Covid. That is good to know. I just would be glad when it is over.  I will say this;  It feels good to do absolutely nothing on this chill Sunday.  I just hope I feel better by the time I need to get back on the road to Southern Cali in the next four days. 

But for today I am not focusing on anything. I'm just relaxing. 

F*CKING LOGAN

Sunday October 22, 2024

                     11:30ish am

  LINK: LOGAN ARROW

I meet Logan at his hotel around 11:30am.  Normally when he comes to Sac to visit, I would spend time with him getting something to eat after a good romp.  However this time I have plans to help my mother with some stuff so the lunch thing is not going to be able to happen.  Regardless, we spend some time chatting and socializing.

Around 12:00 pm 

I ask if I could use his hotel shower in which he graciously oblige.  

Previously we chatted about what the meeting would entail.  I really didn't want any toys or gadgets.  No kink gear other than his blindfold and my leather gloves.  

He's sporting his famous white jockstrap and that's about it other than the fur covering his torso and crotch.  He looks extra handsome as he has a short hair cut.  The tapered look actually looks good on him.

Reading his entry, he mentions how he is unpleased at the amount of weight he has gained.  Although I somewhat notice it, it is something that doesn't bother me as I know without a doubt my belly has grown considerably since our last romp.  I have just come to accept that my weight is going to fluctuate.  It is what it is.  I'm still going to get ass so...🤷🏽‍♂️

I walk to the counter where my outfit is.  Though I said I didn't want any extra BDSM gear, I put on my black tank top, a pair of black mesh chap shorts with the two blue stripes down the sides of the shorts and a matching blue jockstrap.  And of course I have my black ball cap on with my black leather gloves and under the blue jockstrap was a dick and sack of balls snuggly hugged by a black cock ring with adjustable snaps.  The tightest my package would allow is the second snap.

For a man who wants to keep it vanilla, I somewhat have gotten into Daddy mode.  I wasn't really even going to bring my iPad to record.  But when I got the response,"Does that mean no camera either." I said,"I could bring the cam.  Sure."

I set up the iPad.  It's show time. 

We start off with embracing and hugging as I reach around and grab his booty.  He does the same.  It's not long before I get him on his knees.  Although it's pleasurable, I want his ass.  I really want his ass.  

He puts his blindfold on and gets on his back near the edge of the bed.  I lube my dick, wrap up, add a layer of lube to the condom, and go to work.  

We switch positions and I get him flat on his stomach.  I believe for some reason that is one of my favorite positions.  There is a great level of control I have over the bottom that allows me to take it as hard and deep as I want to.  This physical and maybe even psychological dominance brings out a much more primitive side in me.  As Logan mentions in his entry THERE ARE WEIRD EXECEPTIONS,  my voice would go into a borderline predatory territory.  And if I want you in a position sometimes I would order you to get into that position.  Other times I will just put you in it myself.  There is a level of assertiveness, maybe even aggressiveness in Daddy Scuff that is not present in Mark and yet we are the same people. 

Well, kind of.

Looking back at the clips, I notice that there is a definite change in my voice and its tone. It is really like another person.  I've noticed it many times before but playing it back, I actually see it.  It is somewhat surreal for me to watch.  Then there is this growl that comes out of me like I'm some kind of  werewolf.  Logan definitely notices the change. I even hear the chuck as he detects the werewolf growling in his ear.  The crazy part is, as soon after he picks it up, he matches my freak and starts to growl also.

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WHAT A COINCIDENCE

 Saturday, October 20, 2024

11:55pm

LINK: LOGAN ARROW

It is rare that I check my iPad before I go to bed. Even more rare that I check my phone.  As a matter of fact I had just waken up from sleeping as I was waiting for my husband to get into bed.  It takes him quite awhile to get ready for bed.

I decided to get on my iPad.  I noticed a notification in my text app.

It was Logan.

"Hey uh you awake?  I'm waiting on the train back and it is not showing"

Sacramento is notorious for closing shop early.  But damn! The light rail stations also?  Absolutely crazy!

I replied, "Hey there, I’m not sure if the trains are still running. Do you need a ride?"

"It should be here,” he responded, "but it’s not showing."

"I don’t know. I haven’t ridden RT in years."

"Yeah, 15 minutes ago it said it was supposed to show.  I’m walking back to Sac Buddies."

Whenever the light rail doesn’t come or he misses, the easiest protocol is for him to just go back to Sac Buddies as I’m not as familiar with the some of the stations. 

Although I was preparing to officially get my shut eye, I am glad he did contact me, opposed to walking late at night through potentially unsafe parts of town.  It is never an inconvenience when it comes to safety.

Of course when he gets in the car, he gave me a report on how his time went.  We were both trying to wrap our heads around how he goes there and gets his booty busted by guy, after guy, after guy, after guy; And when I  go there, all I hear are crickets.

Maybe we will find work on that answer Sunday, when I bust his booty out.😏