About ten years ago, Christmas time fast forward to now.
As I walked into the facility to meet the new client, all the staff workers wished me luck. They informed me just how stubborn and mean he could get at times.
Walking into residential care facilities, assisted living, and people's homes can sometimes bring a sense of anxiousness. I believe it is natural to have some nervousness about what the dynamic of any relationship would be, whether professional or personal.
Working as a caregiver has given me somewhat of an ability to take sure blows without making them personal. I was there to care for my clients to the best of my ability.
Though companionship can be one of the essentials for job performance, what my client thinks of me (good or bad) does not determine the quality of care I provide. Sometimes, it's a dirty job, literally. The pay often sucks, but it is what I'm good at. Ironically, being the introverted person I am, the job allows me to have that human connection and get me out of the bubble I sometimes create without actively knowing.
Walking into the client's room, I heard him and the staff sparing over whether he was going to the restroom.
"I don't have to go!" He called out fervently.
"Mr. ___, Just try to go. If nothing happens then fine. I just need to make sure you are dry before I leave my shift.”
"Hello!" I interrupted.
"Oh hi. I'm just getting Mr____ to the toilet right now. He's being his usual self right now."
"What is that supposed to mean!" He yells.
"Mr ___this is your caregiver for the week. You be nice to him and don't give him....."
"Hi Mr ___ I'm Mark." I interrupted.
"You know I can help him since I'm here," I said to the staff worker.
"Do you mind If I assist you?" I asked.
"Whatever!" He snapped.
The off going shift left leaving me with the client.
"I really don't have to go! I just want to read my damn paper in peace!" Mr_ yelled.
"Okay sir, If you feel you don't have to go let's get you in your chair so you can relax."
We migrated to his recliner where he spent some time reading.
"If you need anything I just give me a holler."
"Yeah," he mumbled uninterested.
After about 20 minutes I checked up on him. I sat next to him and struck up conversation. Quickly he interrupted me.
"Okay let's just get this straight. I don't need any small talk or shooting the breeze or any of that crap! I am sure you are a nice person but I just like my space. It's nothing against you I just want to be left alone for just a few minutes. Please!"
I looked him in the eyes, smiled and said, "Sir, I totally understand. I will just be in the other room if you need me. Can I offer you something to drink?"
For the first time he smiled and said calmly, "I would love some apple juice. Thank you."
I got him his juice went in the other room and left him the hell alone until he needed my service with occasional peeks in to see how he was.
After about two hours into my shift, he asked me to fix him a sandwich in which I did.
"Are you going to fix you a sandwich," he asked.
"I brought my own lunch. I might as well have my lunch as well,"I said.
"Have a seat!" He said invitingly.
He apologized for being short fuzed and explained that everyone sees him as a grumpy old man. The truth is that he has his ways and even if he feels like he is fine with a little time to himself others try to force him to be this social butterfly that he obviously is not.
He shared some interesting stories about himself. He also talked about the woes of not feeling like he has a voice and that the older he gets, the less people listen to how he feels about things opposed to what they feel is best.
It is a culture and attitude not only in healthcare but in life as well.
What I discovered about this elderly loner is that he was in many ways like me. Not just me but many of us who, whether we want to see it or not are getting closer to those elder stages than we care to realize.
I also discovered a very pleasant gentleman that actually enjoyed company and sharing parts of his life with people who cared to listen. I discovered that listening to what people have to say is sometimes better than spurting off one's on ideas of their perspective of a person.
I know people who have spent a great deal of their lives pleasing others or trying to please others only to be miserable because they neglected their own needs and or desires to walk a certain path because others were too busy trying to steer them in the path they would like.
The one thing I've learn from my week stay with this gentleman is that everyone needs space and needing space doesn't make that person bad, mean or grumpy. It means he, she or they deserve to have their space and not everyone has the same views.
When asked if he would like to join in the decorating of the Christmas tree. He took the deepest breath he could, rolled his eyes and said, "I don't celebrate Christmas. It is not something I care to participate in."
I kindly interrupted and said,"Sir. I totally understand how you feel. Like I said before, 'I'm here for you.'
Just let me know how I can assist you."
The rest of the night he kicked my ass in checkers.
Twice.
But I got my revenge in the last game.
After my shift I followed up with the staff. I told them how he really doesn't enjoy holiday events but we had a fun time playing checkers and talking.
The funny thing, actually the sad thing about their reaction was the total disbelief that this grumpy old man would actually open up so quickly to a new guy like me.
"It was pretty simple. I listen to him. I gave him his space when he wanted and let him decide the atmosphere he wanted. Also, I understand convincing him to participate in the holiday celebrations can be difficult so I didn't try. I did offer other social activities such as checkers in which he is excellent."
"Mr_ plays checkers?"
Oh, there was no hiding the look on my face. If I would have stayed one more second I would have laughed in their faces. It was actually so sad it was hilarious.
Some people choose not to follow certain holidays for whatever reason. And no. You are not entitled to know what those reasons are if the person chooses not to share.
