Summer of 1997
LINKS: THE LEVEE
It was a hot summer day and I wanted to go for a walk by the levee. My motive for going changed dramatically since my encounter with the guy by the levee. My whole perspective of what I'm reaching for has been divided in two. The battle between my faith and sexuality continued to rage.
What once was a casual walk became an obsession.
I constantly searched for that lust hit that reeled me in the first time. I may have lied to others. I may have lied to myself. But my heart knew why I was out there.
I was looking for that hit.
Would I find him again?
It had to have been about 1pm in the afternoon. I roamed the levee area for at least two hours going on my "walk."
I decided to return back home after not finding what I was looking for.
Later during sunset
I decided to take another walk out by the river. I had resolved that I didn't need to "look" for anything and I would simply enjoy the outdoors.
I started with my normal route, walking down the concrete road walking past the first and second parking lots, near where the restrooms were. I walked past that area through the gate that leads to the bike trail.
On my walk, I noticed a White guy venturing off the bike trail down a path leading into some bushes. It is not uncommon for folks to take trails leading through the shrubbery for shade. I didn't think much of it until I saw another guy walking in behind him. He gave me the same look that the Masturbator gave me weeks days prior.
Curiosity got the best of me. I soon followed his
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path. I saw him disappear into the row of bushes. I went in behind him. he looked at me and I did the same. He soon left.
path. I saw him disappear into the row of bushes. I went in behind him. he looked at me and I did the same. He soon left.
Although I was inexperienced to the etiquette and protocol of cruising, (I didn't even know what it was) I quickly picked up the vibe and skill of spotting men looking for something more than just a walk.
After he left I walked out, tracking back past the bathroom to the paved road. I crossed the other side of the road where the river is. The other side where the restroom is very visible from the other side.
It was still light enough to see the other side but it was getting darker and darker. By this time I would be heading back home. For some reason I felt compelled to stay.
I knew nothing about cruising. I knew nothing really about gay culture really other than what I saw on tv and all the stereotypes around how a gay man dressed. In my late teens I snuck my share of gay mags leaving me with a very narrow view of what was considered the gay look at that time.
As I was walking on the other side, I spotted the epitome of that image.
He was a White guy maybe in his mid thirties. He had a short, light brown hair. He looked like something out of the Tom Of Finland collection. He sported a thick Fred Mercury mustache. He wore a white tank top and homemade cut off shorts that creeped high enough to give a peak of his the meat of his buttocks bursting out. The guy was definitely not wearing underwear.
I saw him disappear into the bushes. I watched intently as I witnessed one guy go into the bushes. Two minutes or so went by and another guy disappeared behind the shrubbery.
I stood there on the other side with my mind running wild.
"What is going on?" I thought to myself.
After about ten minutes I walked over to the other side. I cautiously stepped behind the curtain of leaves and branches. I walked in and witness the Tom of Finland guy with his shorts around his ankles bent over getting fucked by one of the two guys there. He had just started shooting his load inside of him. I could barely believe my eyes.
I had seen sex in the XXX mags I collected and messed around previous to my church days but never have I witnessed live a guy fuck another guy.
I continued to watch as he came in him. After he came the second guy started fucking him until he came. By this time there was another guy that came into the area. The two left. I turned around and made my way out . I couldn't believe what I saw. All of this and with no condoms.
In 1997 the threat of AIDS was still very real. I will not lie and say that there was no judgment in what I witnessed. I was judging. Big time. Even on my high moral pedestal of "How could they do something so disgusting," I was enthralled by what I saw.
I witnessed one guy after another ejaculate in him. Although a part of me felt appalled, there was another part that kept a wet spot between my legs with a raging boner.
There was an actual line that was being formed.
To prevent it from being too conspicuous, A few guys would leave and come back as not to bring too much attention to possible bystanders.
My heart started racing as I looked on.
Why the fear?
I'm the good church boy that is supposed to rise above my temptation. I have no business being here.
As the next person dumped his load. He pulled his pants up and looked at me as to prompt me for a turn. Slowly I walked up behind the recipient. The brown haired Freddy Mercury look a like turned his head and looked at me as to signal, "What the hell are you waiting for?"
I pulled my pants down, peeled the sticky underwear from my wet skin and began to insert my penis inside the wet warm hole of bottom.
Right then and there was like a whole different dimension. It was so warm, moist and wet. It was my first time being inside another man. I have never felt anything like it. I stroked in and out only a few times before I pulled out. When I did pull out my penis was covered with the cum of other guys.
"Oh my goodness! What did I just do!"
The spiritual battle, the regret, the shame, the fear of catching AIDS all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I frantically went home and jumped in the shower. I got tested the next day. It came out negative but I told myself that I would never do something like that again.
Many things have changed and some still remain since then.
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