Feb 11, 2025
Tuesday 6:23am
It’s 6:23am twenty three minutes after I heard my father rumbling around in the laundry room to get clothes out to start his day. He is fixated on going places that he doesn’t need to go. He is constantly wobbling around the house without his walker putting him at risk of falling. No matter how much he is told to use his walker it doesn’t register with him.
My sister recently had a lock put on the laundry room door so that he couldn’t get in there and possibly get hurt. It is literally like dealing with a child.
I know this.
I’ve worked as a caregiver for quite some time. It is however a totally different dynamic when it is a family member that one is taking care of.
I have seen client’s family members where they are the only ones there to care for the loved on. I do not wish that on my worst enemy.
For my sister she has me to assist with his business and financial affairs. But living over four hundred miles apart, there is very little relief I can provide. So far from January this year to this week of feb 10th I have driven approximate five trips down. The time before last, one week and having to return the following week. The drive is becoming a lot. And air travel is expensive. It will be close to a month before the VA will get a caregiver in and even when they do, the max is 9 hours a week. Well, I guess it is better than nothing but…
It is not all gloom. My father looks better than he ever looked in any facility. He is gaining strength in his legs and walking more. He just needs to do so with his damn walker. This is a short trip. I’ll be home. And though I’m glad for the opportunity to spend time with Dad, I am ready to go home.
I’m a little late on this one as a lot has been going on. Things have calmed down considerably since this. There is still a lot that leaves me floored. For example, how my sister still calls me telling me how many times she’s told him not to put his dirty briefs in the kitchen garbage or how she constantly tell him to get cleaned up and dressed for physical therapy like he really has the capacity to say, “Okay!” and actually get up and do it. It is like two people living in their own reality.
It is better but it sometimes gets worse. But for now it is better. It is better because I'm learning how to deal with a whole lot of things I used to put my head in the sand to. Now dealing is no longer an option. It is definitely a sharpening instrument for me. Like it or not.
As someone who has been down this very same road, I know how it is so important to vent from time to time.
ReplyDeleteThe many issues are both challenging and frustrating. It's important to realize that so much is out of your control. You can only do so much. Just one day at a time and doing what you can. You will be fine!
Yes. I understand this. I have been with everything I have been trying to express this to my sister. She just haven't gotten it yet. I do see her frustration and I also know there has to be a point where she learns how to take that time for herself even if it is a few minutes to regroup. But again. Even that is out of my control. All I can do is warn the siren and give her some tips that helped me throughout the years as both a professional caregiver and personal one. I used to really worry a lot about her and still do with her own health. but I realize I can only share my experiences, offer my advice and support her the best way I can and continue with the ground work while she's there with my dad. She is learning. It is a slow learning process for her as it is for me. I am the caregiver she is the business / legal person. The fact that our roles has switched so radically is in itself an irony. But there is a lesson for us to learn.
DeleteThank you so much for sharing. I recently lost my mother who was being cared for by my sister. My mother became very sick and was totally dependent upon her. The saving grace was she had become a nurse and had a husband who loved our mother like a son. Life is hard for us all love those who love you
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your the lost of your mother. And yes. Life is one crazy ride. But it is good to know that you have some type of support system. Thank you also for sharing you story.
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